I was being facetious...

I've realized something.

I have a different sense of humor, where I say a lot of ridiculous things I don't mean. Seriously, in any given conversation, I only mean 50%* of what I say. That's not the part I've realized, though. What I've realized is there are a lot of people who don't realize I'm being facetious.

While this in itself is kind of funny, I realize I need to do something about it as it has backfired before. A couple examples:

Number 1: After a homecoming dance in college I took my date to a large park set on a hill that happened to overlook WalMart (the same labyrinth of despair I mentioned in a previous post.). Since it was nighttime and the bright lights of said WalMart dominated the view from where we sat on the swings, I said in a wistful tone, "What a romantic view of WalMart...". I'm pretty sure she didn't catch the sarcasm and legitimately thought I thought WalMart was romantic (I didn't realize this until later). Keep in mind we were still in that extremely uncomfortable second/third date, every sentence counts, are-we-going-to-kiss this time? phase. So while it's kind of funny now, it wasn't at the time, I assure you.

Number 2: This one also from a date in college. After a movie we are walking towards my car when we notice fireworks going off in the distance. I suggest climbing on top of my car to get a better look and, while climbing, say to her in a serious voice, "Don't break anything". The joke of course being that "Don't break anything" is something you would say to a young, clumsy kid and my date is obviously mature and coordinated enough to not destroy my car whilst climbing atop it.

Unfortunately she missed my feeble attempt at humor and, as women are wont to do, took it that I was calling her fat. I found this out later through a friend and still feel bad about it.

Though in a way it is also funny.


Anyways, there are more examples; those are just two that have come to mind. I've seen that I need to be more careful about what I say, lest I risk perpetually calling girls fat on accident.

Though, now that I think about it, we've just discovered Reason #31 Why it's Better to Be a Man than a Woman: We don't assume every statement made to us is covertly calling us fat.



*Did you know that 75% of all statistics are made up on the spot?