The Career Fair Sandwich

So last week was the SUU Fall Career Fair. I've gone to a dozen or so fairs at different universities since I started this job. My duty is to find and interview candidates for the various positions we have (currently a programmer, I.T. help desk, accountant, and sales intern). While I used to look forward to career fairs, this time I found myself eagerly hoping I could find someone else to take my place.

You see, career fairs are tiring affairs. They're actually a lot like your wedding reception: you stand in one spot for several hours, you shake hands and talk to random people (most of whom you don't know), you answer the same 3 questions over and over again ('So how did you two meet?', 'What are your plans now?', and 'So where is the honeymoon?' versus 'What does your company do?', 'Can I have some of this candy?', and 'Do you have any jobs for History majors? No? Are you sure? Nothing at all?!! @#@*! What have I done with my life?!?), and, just like at your wedding reception, by the end you're dead tired and just want to get away.

You usually end up with a few good candidates and it's fun to talk to people (I got invited out to a few bars at the Cal State Chico fair), but the novelty has worn off and career fairs have become routine.

But as the fair began with no relief in sight, I realized that there are certain things you can count on at every fair that make them interesting, even blog-worthy. I spent the next 6 hours trying to pick these things out and, to my surprise, ended up having a lot of fun.

So here they are, my favorite sights and scenes from your average career fair:

The Target Entourage

Every fair I've been to has seen a robust delegation from our friends at Target. Apparently their recruiting strategy involves bringing so many company reps that they actually outnumber the students in the school, thus enabling recruitment via sheer intimidation.

These guys are awesome. They're mostly young, just out of college themselves, and, I'm guessing, single, as they spend most of the time standing in a big circle in front of their booth and talking to each other. This particular tactic, redolent of the "cool kid circle" in high school, is quite effective in deterring any would-be candidate from actually approaching the table and, you know, getting information.

And they give out these cool collapsible Frisbees.

Las Vegas Police Department

Most companies bring something to put on their table that will attract attention and facilitate conversation. For example, Disney will bring little toys with Disney characters on them. The BLM will bring furs of native animals. The police department?

AUTOMATIC RIFLES.

That's right. You walk up to their table and displayed quite prominently is an enormous AK47. I don't think they even have pamphlets. They let the assault rifle do the talking.

Which I love. Because apparently this is the thought process that led to the gun being there:

Hmmm....Many young males like guns, so if we put an extremely large gun on our table it will attract young males, thus providing us with the opportunity to recruit them.

And those are definitely the type of people we want in our police departments. People who are attracted by large, pretty guns.

Marines

These guys are always fun. They wear their fatigues and walk around looking quite stiff and uncomfortable, as though they consider the lack of discipline and seriousness in everyone around them a personal affront on their dignity. Then, whenever some confused, unwitting student accidentally wanders down their dark corner of the ballroom, they go after him like he's the log wall in the boot-camp obstacle course.

"Hey, you want to join the Marines? Why not? Are you scared? Do you hate freedom? Yeah, keep walking. We don't want you anyway."

The poor, poor, IRS lady

Would there be a harder organization to recruit for than the IRS? Is that possible? I always feel bad for this lady. If the Career Fair was an enormous high school dance, she'd be the poor chubby kid with extremely bad B.O. that no one will come within 10 feet of.

She needs some I.R.S. yo-yo's to hand out or something. That would overcome the negative reputation garnered from decades of oppression.

Possibility Forge Guy

Of all the career fair sights, Possibility Forge Guy is possibly my favorite. He's been to every Utah fair I've been to and I might have seen him in Boise State as well. Picture a thin, medium sized man in his early thirtees with a prominent Adam's Apple who could potentially pass as Warren Jeffs' younger brother. Now imagine that guy sitting behind a table with a cheap, vinyl sign that reads 'Possibility Forge' hanging from the long side of the table. Now picture him working on a laptop for 6 hours straight, taking notice of the world around him perhaps once every hour or so. That's Possibility Forge Guy.

Once I was set up right across him. I didn't see him talk to ONE person the entire time. Not one.

And this is what makes him so fascinating. Why does he come? Why even show up? Why not get a cardboard cutout of yourself and tape business cards to it? At least then people would stop and take notice. That's actually not a bad idea.

What is the Possibility Forge, you ask? I don't know. He explained it to me once, but I'm still not sure. Something to do with programming.


Other observations

• Before this one started SUU had all the employers meet in a large room for "breakfast" (3 platters of donuts) and a small meeting. The new VP of Student Services came out and welcomed us. Part of her opening included the comment, "You know, I've found that the college experience is often about the students." It's good to know that the senior administration at my alma-mater, the people in charge of spending tuition and student fees, realize that college is "often about the students."

• Every fair you get the kids who realize they are about to be ejected out into the cold, cruel world and they have no idea what they want to do with their life. You always feel bad for them, but there's not much you can do.

• Here are some majors that you may not find it easy getting a job with: Psychology (unless you get a Masters), Sociology (you could have a PhD, the only job you're getting is teaching Sociology), History, Dance, Physical Education, Communications, and Theatre. (I can say this because I was a Psychology major with an English Lit. minor. And I'm extremely blessed to have the job that I do.)

• Here are some of the majors that will make it very easy for you to get a job: Accounting, Engineering, Biology, Computer Programming, and even Graphic Design if you are willing to move.

I wish schools were more open with the above two points, instead of letting students find it out the hard way. I have a friend whose Communications professor once admitted he felt guilty for not warning his students their degrees were almost worthless, but didn't because his department would lose funding if they chose other majors.

Should schools really be run like this? Do we want the people who wield the largest influence in a student's life to have such a grotesque conflict of interest?

I don't know. I'm just glad I don't have to write papers anymore.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go make a life-sized cardboard cutout of myself.