Whatever happened to Chunk...?

As I was driving to work this morning on my scooter, gliding alongside trees bedecked in their magnificent fall colors and enjoying the crisp air of a fresh autumn morning, the following question ran through my mind:

Whatever happened to Chunk?

I mean, the kid was a good actor and gave a performance that most of our generation would consider landmark, nay, iconic, yet we haven't seen him since The Goonies.

Which is weird. Mikey went on to become Rudy and Frodo's best friend (not to mention his inspiring performance in Encino Man), Data became Indiana Jones' sidekick, even Corey Haim (or Flenderson or whatever. I don't care enough to look it up) made his mark on the world, peaking with The Burbs (my favorite line in the movie: Hey Pinocchio, where you going?!). But what happened to Chunk?

It just seems like a question we need to be asking ourselves.

The Career Fair Sandwich

So last week was the SUU Fall Career Fair. I've gone to a dozen or so fairs at different universities since I started this job. My duty is to find and interview candidates for the various positions we have (currently a programmer, I.T. help desk, accountant, and sales intern). While I used to look forward to career fairs, this time I found myself eagerly hoping I could find someone else to take my place.

You see, career fairs are tiring affairs. They're actually a lot like your wedding reception: you stand in one spot for several hours, you shake hands and talk to random people (most of whom you don't know), you answer the same 3 questions over and over again ('So how did you two meet?', 'What are your plans now?', and 'So where is the honeymoon?' versus 'What does your company do?', 'Can I have some of this candy?', and 'Do you have any jobs for History majors? No? Are you sure? Nothing at all?!! @#@*! What have I done with my life?!?), and, just like at your wedding reception, by the end you're dead tired and just want to get away.

You usually end up with a few good candidates and it's fun to talk to people (I got invited out to a few bars at the Cal State Chico fair), but the novelty has worn off and career fairs have become routine.

But as the fair began with no relief in sight, I realized that there are certain things you can count on at every fair that make them interesting, even blog-worthy. I spent the next 6 hours trying to pick these things out and, to my surprise, ended up having a lot of fun.

So here they are, my favorite sights and scenes from your average career fair:

The Target Entourage

Every fair I've been to has seen a robust delegation from our friends at Target. Apparently their recruiting strategy involves bringing so many company reps that they actually outnumber the students in the school, thus enabling recruitment via sheer intimidation.

These guys are awesome. They're mostly young, just out of college themselves, and, I'm guessing, single, as they spend most of the time standing in a big circle in front of their booth and talking to each other. This particular tactic, redolent of the "cool kid circle" in high school, is quite effective in deterring any would-be candidate from actually approaching the table and, you know, getting information.

And they give out these cool collapsible Frisbees.

Las Vegas Police Department

Most companies bring something to put on their table that will attract attention and facilitate conversation. For example, Disney will bring little toys with Disney characters on them. The BLM will bring furs of native animals. The police department?

AUTOMATIC RIFLES.

That's right. You walk up to their table and displayed quite prominently is an enormous AK47. I don't think they even have pamphlets. They let the assault rifle do the talking.

Which I love. Because apparently this is the thought process that led to the gun being there:

Hmmm....Many young males like guns, so if we put an extremely large gun on our table it will attract young males, thus providing us with the opportunity to recruit them.

And those are definitely the type of people we want in our police departments. People who are attracted by large, pretty guns.

Marines

These guys are always fun. They wear their fatigues and walk around looking quite stiff and uncomfortable, as though they consider the lack of discipline and seriousness in everyone around them a personal affront on their dignity. Then, whenever some confused, unwitting student accidentally wanders down their dark corner of the ballroom, they go after him like he's the log wall in the boot-camp obstacle course.

"Hey, you want to join the Marines? Why not? Are you scared? Do you hate freedom? Yeah, keep walking. We don't want you anyway."

The poor, poor, IRS lady

Would there be a harder organization to recruit for than the IRS? Is that possible? I always feel bad for this lady. If the Career Fair was an enormous high school dance, she'd be the poor chubby kid with extremely bad B.O. that no one will come within 10 feet of.

She needs some I.R.S. yo-yo's to hand out or something. That would overcome the negative reputation garnered from decades of oppression.

Possibility Forge Guy

Of all the career fair sights, Possibility Forge Guy is possibly my favorite. He's been to every Utah fair I've been to and I might have seen him in Boise State as well. Picture a thin, medium sized man in his early thirtees with a prominent Adam's Apple who could potentially pass as Warren Jeffs' younger brother. Now imagine that guy sitting behind a table with a cheap, vinyl sign that reads 'Possibility Forge' hanging from the long side of the table. Now picture him working on a laptop for 6 hours straight, taking notice of the world around him perhaps once every hour or so. That's Possibility Forge Guy.

Once I was set up right across him. I didn't see him talk to ONE person the entire time. Not one.

And this is what makes him so fascinating. Why does he come? Why even show up? Why not get a cardboard cutout of yourself and tape business cards to it? At least then people would stop and take notice. That's actually not a bad idea.

What is the Possibility Forge, you ask? I don't know. He explained it to me once, but I'm still not sure. Something to do with programming.


Other observations

• Before this one started SUU had all the employers meet in a large room for "breakfast" (3 platters of donuts) and a small meeting. The new VP of Student Services came out and welcomed us. Part of her opening included the comment, "You know, I've found that the college experience is often about the students." It's good to know that the senior administration at my alma-mater, the people in charge of spending tuition and student fees, realize that college is "often about the students."

• Every fair you get the kids who realize they are about to be ejected out into the cold, cruel world and they have no idea what they want to do with their life. You always feel bad for them, but there's not much you can do.

• Here are some majors that you may not find it easy getting a job with: Psychology (unless you get a Masters), Sociology (you could have a PhD, the only job you're getting is teaching Sociology), History, Dance, Physical Education, Communications, and Theatre. (I can say this because I was a Psychology major with an English Lit. minor. And I'm extremely blessed to have the job that I do.)

• Here are some of the majors that will make it very easy for you to get a job: Accounting, Engineering, Biology, Computer Programming, and even Graphic Design if you are willing to move.

I wish schools were more open with the above two points, instead of letting students find it out the hard way. I have a friend whose Communications professor once admitted he felt guilty for not warning his students their degrees were almost worthless, but didn't because his department would lose funding if they chose other majors.

Should schools really be run like this? Do we want the people who wield the largest influence in a student's life to have such a grotesque conflict of interest?

I don't know. I'm just glad I don't have to write papers anymore.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go make a life-sized cardboard cutout of myself.

Slinky Man

This is pretty cool. The wife and I were just talking the other day about how there aren't enough videos of people in giant slinky-suits on the internet.

Skydiving Vid

Here it is, at long last. The video.

It's the first one I've ever made and I'm kind of proud of it. Though you'll probably have to turn the sound up to hear it. In fact, use some headphones.

By the way, you can download Windows Movie Maker from download.com completely free and legal. It's a pretty cool program. I can't wait to make my "Best Hello Kitty Anime Moments" montage.

Skydiving is a good thing.

Shoot for the stars!

Sorry, having technical difficulties with the skydiving vid, but should be able to get it up tomorrow. I also attended a Career Fair today, which turned out to provide a good deal of blog material. In the mean time, here's one I meant to post a while back:

So the last time we were in Salt Lake we pulled up behind this station wagon taxi at a stop light. It was just too good to pass up.


Insert your own joke here.

Skydiving

Well, we did it. We hopped in a plane, rode to 14,000 feet, then took the quick way down. I don't even know what to say about it. It was crazy, fun, and exhilarating, obviously, but not quite what I expected. It was funner, crazier, not as fun, quicker, and more uncomfortable, all at once. There was so much going on that I'm still trying to figure it out. Total sensory overload.

Anyways, I'm working on getting the video ready but in the meantime here are a few quick pics.

Our friends the Bodily's came down to go with us. Here's Jared, me, and some guy whose wife bought him a dive for his birthday learning how to do the arch. Though anyone well versed in Beavis and Butthead might see something else in this picture.

The Sidwell's came up from Vegas to watch. Nick here is slightly afraid of heights, but is going with us next time (probably in May), as is Jared's wife and maybe mine.

This was funny. Each time the instructor used me to help illustrate a maneuver Katie got very concerned and came to stop the bad man. Here's a quick video of one of those times. You can see her little head at the bottom of the frame.

It's good to know that if I ever get jumped my 15-month old daughter has my back.

I'll put more up later. In the meantime, you should look up skydiving places in your area. It's definitely worth $200, even if you have to sell plasma to do it.

Book Reviews again

I haven't done book reviews for a while, so I thought I'd do them all at once. With the HP fanfic and what I'm writing now I don't do as much reading as I normally would. While it may not seem like that from the number of reviews, keep in mind this is from the last 2 years or so. Without further ado...

The Secret Life of Bees Sue Monk Kidd

A good book for women. And bees. If you are neither, find another book.

Blog O' Mickel Recommend-O-Meter: A well-written, insightful book, though not quite to my taste. Also happens to be Tie's favorite book. So don't bash it, lest you incur her wrath.

Wicked Gregory Maguire

I was skeptical of this book at first. I've always been indifferent to the Wizard of Oz and have never understood why anyone under 65 years old (when it first came out and blew everybodies' minds) would be a fan, so I didn't think a book based on the Oz universe would be interesting.

But it was.

I'm not sure how he did it, but somehow Maguire takes Oz and transforms it into a rich, intricate, depressing and enchanting world rife with political, religious, and philosophical conflict. He also takes Elphaba (more commonly known as the Wicked Witch of the West) and adds layer upon layer to her previously one-dimensional character that you no longer look at her (or any other of the traditional villains) in the same way again.

The only thing I didn't like is that Elphaba never really amounts to anything. He creates such a rich and fascinating character, it seemed a waste to me to not have her devote herself to a cause or an ideal, even if that ideal is only herself. While you realize she's not evil, he never really reconciles what she is, except confused and indecisive. In the end she's just someone fighting against fate for the sake of fighting.

Oh yeah, and she has green skin because her father (whose identity will remain secret, though, use your imagination) drank a lot of green snake-oil elixir.

Blog O' Mickel Recommend-O-Meter: Unique and creative enough to merit a read.

Man's Search For Meaning Viktor E. Frankl

This one has the Blog o' Mickel Seal of Approval, which is kind of like Oprah's Book Club except only for good books. I decided to finally read this one after I heard it quoted from no less than three separate people in one week. It's basically the thought and insights of a Jewish psychologist who is taken to a Nazi concentration camp while he is there. Quite an interesting read, as he concentrates more on the psychological conditions of a camp than the physical. If you've ever heard someone quote a man in a Nazi concentration camp along the lines of "The only freedom others can't take from you is the freedom to choose how you will respond to your enemies", this is where it's from. I've heard everyone from Steven Covey to church leaders to SHRM speakers apply this statement somehow or other.

Very enlightening read. Go get it. Right now. It's like 3 bucks on Amazon.


Blog O' Mickel Recommend-O-Meter: You Owe it to Society to Read This Book

Dreams from My Father Barack Obama

Democrats, if you care about this country or have any sense at all, please give Obama the nomination. I implore you. Hillary is wrong for you. She's wrong for the country. She is the Democratic George W. Bush.

My favorite part about this book is that it was written long before Obama thought he'd ever have a serious shot at the presidency, so he talks about using drugs, smoking, family problems, his real thoughts on black and white culture in this country. You know - REAL LIFE. Unlike the other tomes of political pablum and white-washed self trumpetry every other candidate comes out with (Hillary, I'm looking at you.)

I want to write more on Obama and why I'm a fan, but that will be another post.

Blog O' Mickel Recommend-O-Meter: If politics are the least bit interesting to you, read it.

Test, War, and Time of the Twins Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman

Wanting a break from books that dealt with reality, I thought I'd take a stroll down memory lane and re-read this trilogy from my childhood. Right around middle school I got really into these books, but haven't read them since.

On rereading, two things stuck out to me:

1. Seems like any medieval fantasy book since the 60's has been a rip-off of Tolkein; and,
   
2. Regardless of that, these are pretty good books.
   

Blog O' Mickel Recommend-O-Meter: If you're into fantasy or know what role a Dungeon Master plays, these would be good books for you to read.

Do Less, Achieve More Chin-Ning Chu

When I was at the national SHRM convention in Vegas working at the bookstore I finally caved and got one of the many self-improvement books that I had been surrounded by the entire day. Had I the chance to make that decision again, I would have bought a not-bad book.

I wouldn't recommend buying this one. Or checking it out. Or even flipping through it if you're sitting in a waiting room somewhere and the only other options are an auto parts catalogue and a phone book. In fact, I wouldn't even recommend reading the rest of this review, as anything to do with this book is a waste of time. Let's just say that any "Self-help" book that includes a section on how you need to be willing to sacrifice your family if want to be successful isn't a book I want to get advice from.

And Chin-Ning, when you're on your death bed I hope your robust investment portfolio and impressive resume provide you with companionship and a feeling of fulfillment. Because your estranged family won't be.

Blog O' Mickel Recommend-O-Meter: Seriously, go for the phone book instead. You'll get more out of it.

Lord of the Flies William Golding

A fun, honest, chilling look at human nature. Reminds me of Scout Camp.

I still feel bad for Piggy.

Blog O' Mickel Recommend-O-Meter: Sometime in your life you should read this book. Why not now?

Our Mutual Friend Charles Dickens

I have yet to meet anyone else who reads Charles Dickens books for fun. You should though. They're good.

Blog O' Mickel Recommend-O-Meter: If you make any claim to being a cultured individual, you need to read at least one Dicken's book that wasn't required by a high school English teacher. If not, go back to watching American Idol.

Go on. Fatty.

Red Branch Morgan Llywelyn

This was another blast from the past. One of my high school history teachers actually recommended this author. She's good. I would recommend this one or Druids by the same author to anyone into fantasy.

And no - you're eyes aren't fooling you. The reviews are getting shorter.

Blog O' Mickel Recommend-O-Meter: 2 Grumpets.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven Mitch Albom

This book was really popular for a while so I was glad to find it on my in-laws coffee table one weekend. It was ok. I was kind of disappointed. I guess if you're the type of person who doesn't think much about spiritual life or what happens after you die this would be more captivating.

Of course, Osama bin Laden has written a much better review of this book than I could ever hope to: Reviews of Books by Osama B-L.

Blog O' Mickel Recommend-O-Meter: Read it if you suddenly find yourself in a house where it's lying on the table and you have a large chunk of free time, just so you can make snarky comments about it on your blog.

The 5th Horseman James Patterson

Is it hard to be a New York Times Best Seller? I used to be impressed by that qualification, but after reading The 5th Horseman, no more.

Ok, it wasn't a bad book, it just wasn't especially good. Take the worst of the Dan Brown thrillers (probably Digital Fortress) and water it down until it's only semi-thrilling. Then take one of those quasi-realistic hospital shows on tv (take your pick; seems like every new show is either an ER clone or some CSI spin-off). Now combine it with one of those pre-teen girl books (er...Babysitter's Club? Nancy Drew?) and you have The 5th Horseman.

I was going to write more, but I've already given too much of my life to this book. If you like The Joy Luck Club, crime novels, or you're one of those women who, for whatever inexplicable reason, choose to refer to your female friends as "my girlfriends" this book is for you.

And why do some women do that? Does the differentiation need to be made? Should I blog about how I went and played ultimate frisbee with some of my boyfriends? What the huh?

(Update: On re-reading this post, I was surprised by the vitriol I unleashed on this book. It was actually not a bad read. Just not entirely to my taste. I still stand by the above three paragraphs though.)

Blog O' Mickel Recommend-O-Meter: I wasn't too impressed, but I can see how others might like it. At least it doesn't give you horrible advice on how to live your life.

1776 David McCullough

A good read. Amazing that our country's independence was won by a group of quarreling, selfish drunks. Though I suppose that's fitting, seeing how today it is run by a group of quarreling, selfish drunks.

Ba-doom CHA!

Blog O' Mickel Recommend-O-Meter: Every real American should read this book. Not doing so shows ingratitude and weakens the resolve of our allies.

Bard Morgan Llywelyn

Another good Llyweleyn book. Don't understand how the Tuatha-de-Dannan can wield god-like powers yet lose to a bunch of chumps in chariots, but hey - who am I to dispute fictional Irish history?

Blog O' Mickel Recommend-O-Meter: If you're into fantasy, though I'd start with Red Branch.

Battlefield Earth L. Ron Hubbard

I got this one on the advice of a friend. It was really good. It is also the only epic apocalyptic science fiction/action book or movie I've encountered where the climax is a meeting between the hero AND...two inter-galactic bankers.

And they talk about mortgages.

Can't say I've ever encountered that before.

Blog O' Mickel Recommend-O-Meter: Get it. Only brush up on liens, mortgages, and other aspects of banking and lending before you do.

The Gov'ment, take 2

Quick update on what is quickly becoming an epic battle for me-

I went in to pay my registration ticket yesterday (making sure it was before 4:00), and, you guessed it, I left not being able to get it taken care of. The reason?

"I'm sorry, this ticket isn't in our system yet. It usually takes about 10 days."

In all caps near the top of said ticket are the words: PAYMENT MUST BE MADE WITHIN 14 DAYS OF VIOLATION. So, if you take the 14 day limit you have to pay the ticket and subtract the 10 days it takes for the clerk at the police station to walk the half-block to the Justice Hall so it can be put into the system, you really only have a 4-day window to pay your fine. Right?

"Well, we actually give you 30 days from the time you get the ticket. So, umm, come back next week and it should be in the system."

Basically what she's saying is that the "14 DAYS TO MAKE PAYMENT" warning written on the ticket has no function whatsoever and only confuses people. Kind of like the majority of government agencies.

I'm going go get my Ron Paul bumper sticker right now.

Government Bureaucracy at it's Best

Quick blurb - I went in to pay the aforementioned ticket for expired registration at the Hall of Justice yesterday. After passing through the metal detector and absorbing the fiery barb of the security officer's keen wit ("Oh, you have a Certificate of Achievement, huh?" he quips upon seeing my ticket, causing a lady of above-average girth next to him to chuckle in appreciation) I enter the cashier's office to do my penance. Then I see I sign that says: NO PAYMENTS ACCEPTED AFTER 4:00 PM.

It was 4:36.

So I say to the lady: "I'm here to pay this, but you don't accept anything after 4:00?"

To which she replies: "Yes. We can't take any payments after 4:00." Apparently seeing my disappointment, she quickly adds, "But if you can't wait until tomorrow, you can call in with a credit card number."

And this is where another gem of the peerless logic of Government Bureaucracy became evident. If I had had a cellphone on me I could have pulled it out right there, called the lady standing 2 feet in front of me, given her my credit card number, and make the payment. Yet it was completely impossible for her to take those numbers if I had handed the card to her. That would be against policy.

It's experiences like this that make me think Ron Paul's really on to something.

Skydiving, take 2

Ok, this time it's for realzies - Skydiving. Hurricane, Utah. Next weekend.

If I stop blogging, you can safely assume that I am dead.

I just peed my pants a little from excitement...again.

BUSTED

So I just got pulled over by a cop on my way back from lunch. Let me tell you something - there aren't many things more humiliating than getting pulled over a block away from your work WHILE RIDING A SCOOTER. Now that's an awkward 10 minutes.

Actually, wait - it would have been more humiliating if it had been a bike cop. Other than that, though, I don't know of many other things as humiliating.

It was for registration. It's been expired for 3 months now. I never thought they would actually check. I mean, I wear my helmet, for crying out loud. How often do you see a guy riding a 50cc scooter, wearing a tie and an enormous helmet (hardly anyone wears a helmet in Utah) and think, "I bet that guy is breaking a law of some sort"?

My initial reaction was shame, followed by disbelief, then a sort of simmering rage at how stupid it was. Why on earth should you have to register a 50cc scooter? You don't even need a license for it. It's practically a toy. And why should the registration cost as much as it does for a car? Come on, government - I'm trying to save the environment by using less gasoline, throw me a bone here. Then I thought how I should have quickly turned when I first saw the police car, and about how, if I had simply taken another route, I wouldn't have to pay this $40 ticket. After that came a myraid of ideas on how I could have gotten out of the ticket, or the dozens of ways I would have avoided this sad fate if I had just done something else.

But then I realized I should just get my scooter registered.

So I'm going to do that.

How's that for sticking it to THE MAN.

I Love October

Peace upon all of you, my blog-friends. Autumn is here and I am feeling especially contented with the world at the moment. I love autumn. Here's why:

• The leaves change color.
• Football once more graces our fine country with its presence like an exotic bird returning from its summer migration.
• Baseball finally becomes interesting. Despite my previous railing on how boring baseball can be, I will admit that there's nothing quite like a playoff baseball game (see last night's Rockies - Padres game).
• The Cubs are in the playoffs. Sure they won't be for more than 10 days, but still...
• The first trace of snow reaches the tops of the mountains, causing a thrill of exhillaration to surge through every true-skier.
• Those little candy pumpkins. Man I love those little candy pumpkins.
• The Office is back on. There're really only three things I turn the tv on for: Sports, General Conference, and The Office. And Seinfeld. And occasionally the Simpsons. 5 things.

Of course not everything about October is snow-frosted mountaintops and little candy pumpkins. A few less-desireable things happen:

• College students come back, making our street look like a valet-parking lot. It's amazing how fast I've gone from the rowdy college student staying up all night to the bitter man who hates the rowdy college students who stay up all night. That's a whole other post though.
• It gets dark. Early. There's just something unnatural and lame about leaving work at 5:30 and having to turn your headlights on during the drive home.
• No more flip-flops and shorts.

All in all, the good things far outweigh the bad things though. So it's good to have you here, October.

I'm trying to think of a costume for Halloween - give me a vote on the poll above.

Shalom, my friends.

Don't Taze Me Bro Remix

Normally I would consider a video like this in poor taste, but after finding out the background (the kid was hoping for some publicity) it suddenly becomes very funny instead.

BTW, if you don't know the background, just google "don't taze me bro".