KATIE

Here is our baby girl. Katie the string eater.

Snape

I just interviewed Severus Snape. I'm not even kidding. But only if Severus Snape was a computer programmer from Arizona.

I feel like you need to know these things.

Politics

I follow politics. Not as closely as our friend Sorro, but close enough to be thoroughly disgusted by it.

I thought about posting a rant detailing my many grievances, but figured posting a few links would provide the venting I need after the most recent election. Here you go.


http://www.libertypost.org/cgi-bin/readart.cgi?ArtNum=74986

This one has some great advice for the Democrats. It was written just after the 2004 elections but still applies today. While I don't consider myself a Republican, it outlines most of the reasons why I definitely don't consider myself a Democrat.


http://opensecrets.org

Great site. See who finances your favorite politician's campaign. Cigarrettes, anyone?


http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/11/09/va.senate/index.html

Lost by only one third of one percent. Ouch. Bet Allen wishes he could take back that "Macaca" remark. It pays to have one of your intern lackeys follow your opponent around with a camera all the time.


http://youtube.com/watch?v=tdAjGXFJw3s

Pre-school attack ad. Awesome.


And of course, the one redeeming quality of politics: political cartoons.

http://cagle.com/politicalcartoons/

Hero

I have a new hero. His name is Mark Roberts.

http://espn.go.com/page2/s/drehs/030306.html

While I'm on this particular subject, I may as well drop the link to one of the best YouTube videos ever: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZGIq1X7_RZk. I don't think this would be half as funny if the announcers weren't British.

I can get 70 miles to the gallon on this hog...

In other news, I recently purchased a scooter. Here it is, in all its blue fiberglass glory. It's a Kymco ZX50 which I've christened "Pepe" (pronounced peh-pay).

Pepe may only be a 50cc, but he has surprising umph. He tops out at about 45 on flat surfaces and struggles a bit on hills, but I couldn't be any happier with him. He gets me to work and back a couple time a day and makes it so I can leave the car at home for momma.

And here's the best part. The price of a fill-up: 3 BUCKS.

Long live Pepe.

Accident Pics at last

Here's the X-ray, not that you can tell where the actual fractures are or anything. I just thought I should get the most out of it since it cost me 150 bucks.

Here we are at the cabin pre-accident, having a merry old time. It's all fun and games until someone breaks their pelvic bone.
*Not an actual pic of Panguitch Lake. Added it just to give you a feeling of the general ambiance there.

So there are the pics. I was going to write more, but this is too depressing. I need to blog about something more fun.

ATVs are evil

It's true. That's why this elephant, an Asiatic symbol of royal power and prestige, is attacking one.

(I've got more pics, but for whatever reason Blogspot won't let me put them on. Seems unfair, apparently MC Hammer isn't having any problems getting his on.)

So a week ago we were at a friend's cabin in scenic Panguitch Lake. Amy went on a 4-wheeler ride with a friend, they accidentally tipped it, she was thrown off and fractured her pelvic bone in 4 different areas. We spent a good part of Labor Day weekend in the emergency room.

The good news is that she's ok, they don't have to do surgery or put steel pins in her hip or anything. The bad news is she has to stay in bed for a couple weeks and can barely move around. Add to that the baby and my full-time job and we're in a tough situation. Luckily we have awesome family and friends and have been able to get the help we need.

As if our lives hadn't been eventful enough lately. Amy has a great attitude, she was cracking jokes with the doctor and nurses and is pretty positive. It's been a little tough for me -- as the caring fix-all husband I was wishing it was me in the hospital bed instead, but all you can do is watch. Also, I've been the sole "can you go get this" or "will you move this for me" or "I feel like some tapioca pudding and waffles, will you get that?" person for the last 10 months and was looking forward to a break, as well as having my wife back. Now my tour has been extended another 2 months. What do you do though? Could have been a whole lot worse.


Anyways, here are some highlights from the weekend:

1. The "My-wife-is-hurt-so-driving-rules-be-damned" drive to the hospital.
2. A couple of country boys came in to the ER while we were there, one with a severe laceration on his forehead where a high powered rifle had recoiled and hit him in the head with its scope. While getting stitched up his friend tried to convince the doctor to do it in a lightning pattern so he "would look like Harry Potter".
3. As we were leaving another person came in, this time a young woman who had been thrown off a horse and suffered a concussion and compound fracture. Oddly enough she was laughing hysterically about the whole thing and kept saying things like, "Did I look hot when I fell?" Her boyfriend claimed she had "turned goofy" once they pulled into the hospital parking lot, but I think she was hopped up on goofballs.

Triathlon number 2

Last weekend was the XTerra Sport Triathlon in beautiful Ogden Utah. Ok, Ogden isn't really beautiful. In fact if the state of Utah were somebody's body, Ogden would be the area in the small of the back where sweat accumulates and the butt begins. No offense to anyone from Ogden of course. It's just a good thing the tri was actually held at Pineview Reservoir and Snowbasin (which are close to Ogden).

This is my second Tri. The first one was back in May in St. George and was really fun. This one kicked my butt. Having been sick and immobile for almost the entire month of June and having the baby in July put me behind in my training, so I wasn't in the best shape to begin with. On top of that I was a little sick come race day and ended up puking a third of the way through the bike course.

The puke was blue.

With little white things in it.

PowerAde tastes the same on the way out.

(Quick sidenote: did you know that Shakespeare was the one who came up with the term "puking"? It's true. We owe so much to the Bard.)

So after I Called Ralph on the Big White Phone I felt a little better, but decided I would just finish the bike ride and call it quits. I took it easy and hung out in the back of the pack (the very back) and after a tortuous 13 mile climb finally made it to the run transition area. After resting 5 or 10 minutes I thought I could finish the 3 mile run so I went for it. I walked on the hills (whoever designed this course is a sick, sick person -- almost the entire thing was uphill) and ran on the even parts and was able to finish. Last in my age group, but I finished all the same.

So I wouldn't call my experience at this triathlon fun, but I'm definitely glad I did it. It's kind of a bummer to train and plan on something like this for months only to get sick that day, but there's also something great about overcoming obstacles and achieving a goal despite unforeseen difficulties. And they give you free popsicles at the end.

Baby's first triathlon. I hope she does them when she grows up. I'd rather have a sporty tom-boy than a cheerleader type.
The finish line. I did the first one in 1:55. This one took 2:55 for roughly the same distance.

I think it's great when kids feed dogs from the table.

I saw this Hummer in the parking lot and had to get a picture of it, as it is possibly the only Hummer I have ever seen that actually had some dirt on it. My Toyota Corolla probably sees more off-road action than most Hummers.


Amy and Baby.

I'm Back

Sorry about the delay there. I realize it's been over a month since my last post. You may think I'm lazy or a procrastinator. And you'd be right. Anyways, here are the pics of Katie Hart Mickel, as promised.

Here's me in mid someone's-taking-a-picture-of-me-so-I-should-look-up movement while baby looks on.

The ride home from the hospital. For some reason we were really worried about putting the baby in the car seat, as though its hard plastic construction and cruel harness might hurt her.

Here is the card detailing the weight and length of the baby after she was born. I find it interesting that we classify our newborn offspring the same way would a newly caught fish: "Yeah, she's 6 pounds 15 ounces, 19 inches long. Beautiful coloring."

What are we describing here, a human being or a rainbow trout?

Mom and baby.

Katie is awesome. Apparently she's pretty mellow and good-tempered. That's what others tell us anyway. We wouldn't know, she's the first baby we've had so we don't have anything to compare her against.

She has a full head of dark, brown hair and olive colored skin, which is interesting since Amy and I are both pasty white and blonde. Although Amy's mom is that way, as is one of my brothers, so I suppose the genes are in us. We were both surprised when she came out, I guess we expected a blonde, freckled little kid with pig-tails.

So far we don't think she really looks like either of us, though she does resemble a tiny, wrinkled, grumpy old man with a receding hairline. Or a little Buddha, which, come to think of it, may be a great nickname.

The eagle has landed.

Well, the baby has landed, I guess. And she didn't really land, it was more of a gory spurt followed by the emergence of a wrinkled, purple mini-person who was promptly placed under a heater. At any rate, the baby is here.

What can I say about it? I love being a dad already. Most fun I've ever had. The actual birth went very smoothly and Amy did great. It was also very cool to watch, which surprised me as I cringe at the sight of needles. The baby is wonderful with a full head of dark hair (we're both blonde so it's kind of weird), and all she does is eat and sleep. Mostly sleep. She's awesome.

We named her Katie Hart, though "The Yellow Dart" is still on the table as a nickname. I'll get some pictures up sometime.

Still nothin'

So it turns out due dates are about as reliable as the 10-Day forecast. That's something else they don't tell you your first time. Or maybe they did and I was too busy trying to understand what the difference between the uterine wall and the placenta is.

This is definitely the week though. It looks like Friday.

It's a busy week for us; July 1st is our anniversary, July 3rd is Amy's B-Day, July 4th is July 4th. On top of all that, I just found out that my grandmother passed away and July 5th is the funeral. Interesting variety of activities this week.

At least I don't have Mono...

Speaking of Mono, here's my favorite viral video of the week: "Superfriends: Wazzup" Can't leave without a video.

Nothing yet...

Our due date is tomorrow. No blast-off yet though. The doc says this is the week, and if it hasn't come by next Thursday they will induce it. Exciting, but kind of anti-climatic.

In other news, I am seriously considering buying a moped. Just thought you should know.

Book Review and the NBA

I guess one good thing about being sick for two weeks is you suddenly have plenty of time to read. First up is The Last Season by Phil Jackson, the coach of Kobe's Team (previously known as the Los Angeles Lakers.)

This was a fun read. I'm into sports but have never really read sports books, so when I saw this on Amazon for 5 bucks I couldn't pass it up. The book is a compilation of journal entries written by the Zenmeister during the Lakers ill-fated 2004 season (the year Karl Malone defected from the Jazz to join a team that actually had a chance to win the Finals). Very interesting to get an inside account of what life is like in the NBA; the egos, the arguments, the tantrums -- Kobe is even more immature than you would think. So are most of these guys.

Jackson is an interesting person himself. He has a passion for the sport and coaching, yet somehow keeps himself distanced from everyone and everything. He also claims to be a basketball purist, interested only in team ball and unselfish play, making it hard to understand how he could return to the Lakers and orchestrate one of the most individualistic, show-boating teams in history.

(Disclaimer: If you're not into the NBA, the rest of this post won't be even remotely interesting to you)

And while we're on the subject of the NBA, let me just take a moment to say this:

I AM WAY SMARTER THAN ALL THE SPORTSWRITERS AND SO-CALLED EXPERTS OUT THERE.

I'm not even kidding. These guys don't know anything. Here were my predictions at the beginning of the playoffs, as soon as the match-ups were decided:

Round One
EAST WEST
Detroit over Milwaukee in 4 San Antonio over Kings in 5
Miami over Chicago in 5 Phoenix over Lakers in 6
NJ over Indiana in 6 Clippers over Denver in 7
Cleveland over Wash in 6 Dallas over Memphis in 5

Round Two
Miami over NJ in 5
Detroit over Cleveland in 6
Phoenix over Clips in 6
Dallas over S.A. in 7

Conference Finals
Dallas over Phoenix in 6
Miami over Detroit in 7

Finals
Dallas vs. Miami

A blue city name means I got the winner right, a blue number means I either nailed the amount of games or I got closer than Bill Simmons of ESPN.com, who I used as a comparison (because he's my favorite writer). Simmons had the Lakers playing Dallas in the conf. finals and losing, and a Detroit/Dallas finals. As you can see, I got every team right, including Miami and Dallas in the Finals. If we were to scrore predictions giving one point for choosing the correct team and another for calling the game number, I would have 23 points. Simmons would have 15. And he did better than most.

Check these chumps out: ESPN EXPERT PICKS . The 5 resident experts at ESPN.com gave their picks for each series in the playoffs. They were wrong most of the time. Only one had Miami beating Detroit, only two had Dallas beating San Antonio, and 3 of them picked New Jersey to beat the Heat. Instead the Heat won in 5.

Who are these guys? How can they be "experts" when they can't even call half the games right? Would you trust a mechanic who is right less than half the time? How about a doctor who diagnoses correctly only 40% of the time? Er...ok, those are both poor examples. Forget I said that.

Anyways, I guess my point is that people should pay me to watch sports and then tell them what I think. Really. This needs to happen. Because as far as I'm concerned, I've just exposed the leading experts as frauds. You'll notice that I left my Finals pick unidentified. That's because it is right, and I refuse to share my talent of foresight without some sort of compensation.

Interested parties can contact me through a comment on this blog. Special rates for David Stern, ABC Network execs, and Charles Barkley if he gives me a cut. I'm your Rain Man Charles.

MONO

Mono. It turns out I've had MONO for the past 2 weeks. What am I, like 14 years old?

Anyways, I'd have to say that mono is by far one of the least fun ailments I've had. Not that I've had that many, but if I had to choose between mono and say, having ring worm -- I'd go with the ring worm. Or food poisoning. Or being the top scientist in my field.

I'm back at work now after a nearly two-week long absence. I'm dreading going all my messages and e-mails. Which is why I'm writing this. Ok, here I go.

I don't know why...

...maybe it's because I'm still a little out of it, but this is unbelievably funny to me:

http://www.chickenmcnugget.com/video/gijoereggae.htm

It's a dubbing over one of those old GI Joe public service announcements that would teach us as kids not to start fires or to make fun of old people.

sick...

I've been out the past 6 days with Strep Throat. "My brother and I used to say that staying home from work for a week would be like heaven. Instead I can't sleep, I can't eat, I've got two boilers--this isn't heaven, this sucks!"

Ok, I had to invoke a random movie quote to get my feelings across. This past week was miserable. No fun at all. Apparently Strep (view nasty pic I got off the net at your own risk) is pretty common, but it sounds like mine is a lot worse than most.

For instance, several people I've spoken to have mentioned "staying in bed the whole time" or "sleeping for days". What? They were able to sleep? I didn't sleep for nearly 4 days and the only refreshing bed time I had was lying down so I wouldn't pass out. They also didn't say anything about a throat so raw that eating YOGURT feels like swallowing extra large grain sand-paper. Or gums so saturated with blood that they've swollen to twice their normal size. Or the inside of their mouths erupting into cold sores like boils on poor Job's naked body.

Well that's what I got baby!

Anyways, I'm thinking I'm almost out of it. I'm back at work anyways. The last time I had been to the doctor for a sickness was about 14 years ago, so I suppose I was due. I also think it's good to be sick every once in a while, just so you appreciate what it's like to be normal. So, here you go. Here are 7 Everyday Things Having Strep Throat has Taught me not to Take for Granted: (in no particular order)

1. Being able to turn my head.
2. Sleeping more than 2 hours at a time.
3. Being able to swallow water, milk, or even my own saliva without my throat erupting into a fiery hell.
4. Working.
5. Hugging my wife without the fear that my diseased, leprous touch could destroy our unborn child.
6. Fruit.
7. All the nights where I haven't woken up miserable, drenched in sweat, and with Eminem's "Without Me" playing relentlessly through my head. I'm not kidding. 3 days in a row, everytime I woke up:

"Guess who's back? Back again? Dah nuh nuh DA NA DA NA DA NA!!!"

It was as if Slim Shady himself were orchestrating the soundtrack to my physical anguish. I didn't care much for the song to begin with, but now that it's forever associated with sickness for me it has dropped into the deepest realm of musical loathing I have, right next to Alanis Morissette and that Semi-Charmed Kind of Life song they played every 5 minutes back in high-school.

Ok, I'm ranting here a bit, but it's helping me get the tension out. Therapy, that's what it is. I've got more to say, but it will have to wait till tomorrow. Extra points to whoever can get that movie quote.

The Triathlon

The line of cars behind us to get into Sand Hollow at 6:00 in the morning. Apparently there were 1300 racers and their families at the Tri, so it was pretty crowded. And these were the people who got there early.

The transition area where you keep your bike, wetsuit, running junk, etc. Most people had nice expensive road bikes. I used a heavy, unwieldy mountain bike that takes twice as much energy to get moving, proving that I am much more of a man than they are. Or that I'm too cheap to spring 25 bucks for a rental.

Me at the Hollow with my tight, tight shorts.

We stood behind this guy and had to get a pic. Not only does his shirt say "Ninjas are sooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants," but we found him in the Port-O-Potty line. Just an all around great picture on a number of levels.

The start of the race. You do a half mile swim, exit via the boat ramp and run to the transition area while stripping off your skin-tight wetsuit and trying your best to not fall over. Then you change into bike gear and ride for 12 miles along a road littered with water bottles, ambulances, and the shattered forms of fellow competitors whom defeat has already claimed (ok, I only saw one) Then you ride back to the transition area to drop your bike off and start the grueling 3 mile run.

The start of the Sprint distance men, ages 20-29. That's me in the middle.

Me after the swim doing the aforementioned running and stripping.

I didn't get any pics of the bike or run, so this is a fast forward to the end of the race where they set up this huge tent filled with oranges, grapes, water bottles, bread, and popsicles. It was almost worth running the race just for that.

My buddy Bret and I just after finishing. He's the one who convinced me to do it in the first place.

Well, I did it. Final time was 1:55:49. They said the average time for a beginner at that course was 2 to 2 and a half hours, so I did all right. It was a lot of fun, I'm definitely doing it again. Great atmosphere, great people, great experience. At first I was a bit tentative, thinking the tri would be filled with die-hards who ate nothing but granola and cottage cheese and who hated beginners getting in their way, but it wasn't like that at all. The only competition is with yourself. It was great to see all sorts of people; young, old, overweight, skinny, beginners and professionals, out there together having fun and supporting one another. I would highly recommend it.

Next one is the Xterra Sport at Snowbasin in August. Can't wait.

What's going on

I'm going to forego the usual "Sorry I haven't posted for so long" e-mail and just tell you what's going on in my life.

We are now 32 weeks pregnant. That means the baby is coming, and it's coming soon. If we were to compare pregnancy to a semester in college, right now would be the part where you suddenly realize that all the projects you've had all year to work on really are going to be due, so you better get started. Right after this game of Mario Kart.

The St. George triathlon is this week. Remember a post from back in November when I said I was planning to train for a triathlon? That's right. I've been doing it. It's this weekend.

I wish I could say my training has been like in Rocky IV where Rocky runs up mountains, grows a beard, and bench presses logs to get ready for the Drago fight, but it's been more of a James Braddock getting ready to fight Max Baer in Cinderella Man: a couple of quick workout montages interrupted by clips of him in his family life. Needless to say, my goal is just to finish the thing.

It's been fun though, after work today a buddy and I are going to the triathlon site to get a practice run in. I also want to try out my new wetsuit that I laid down 100 bones for. Here's a pic:

(No pic at this time)

The first time I used the wetsuit I almost passed out. Not a good sign.

In other news, the NBA playoffs are in full swing and I'm loving it. I'm going for Dallas and the Heat this year. Anything but another Detroit-San Antonio final. I don't think the country could take another one of those...

That's about it. Needless to say I do not deserve the Blogger Stallion award. That goes to Sorro. Sorro, this is for you:

(OK, sorry, it's not for you. The blogger isn't letting me do pics right now. Jerk.)

The First Blogger Stallion Award

Almost forgot. This weeks "Blogging Stallion Award" goes to Cheeth, for the numerous pictures and fine account he gave of his trip. Granted, Sorro posted and wrote a lot more, but unfortunately we're only counting last week (see previous posting for explanation on why this week doesn't count) and Cheeth is the winner.

I would like to give Sorro props for the Urinal Quiz though. Loads of fun. I only missed one.

While the recipient of the Blogging Stallion Award doesn't get $20 (as has been rumored), they do have the thrill of knowing that the above picture is dedicated to them. They also recieve a complementary bowl of mugi, which is only redeemable in Cedar City.

Busy

Work has been extrodinarily busy this week. Too busy. The type of busy where you go home and stare blankly at walls, your mind so accostomed to concentrated thought that it continues to subconsciously process the hundred things you need to get done tomorrow or forgot to do today, like a fat man at a buffet who has already filled his plate and begun eating but tastes nothing because he is contemplating what to get next. That kind of busy. You know what I mean.

Anyways, it's not that bad, but this is one of the few times since I've started my job that I wished I was doing something else.

In other news, the triathlon is in 3 weeks, I'm trying to get around to painting our living room (Green of all colors), and we're now 7 months pregnant. Speaking of pregnancy, here is a great article I got off McSweeney's. It's noteworthy for the Saved by the Bell reference alone.

I DON'T KNOWWHAT THE BIG DEAL ABOUT HAVINGA BABY IS.
BY WENDY MOLYNEUX
- - - -
If there's one thing I'm tired of, it's hearing about how hard it is to have a baby. I hate to break the news to you, but people have been having babies for literally billions of years. In the olden days, women would have their babies right out there in the field, or on the back of a dinosaur, or, when we were still fish-people, right there in the stream. Then they would put the new baby in a crib made of stones and let a brontosaurus watch it or whatever.

But ask any modern pregnant woman whether she'd let a dinosaur watch her baby and she'll freak out as if you've just said the most outlandish thing ever. I guess irrationality is just one of the many so-called symptoms of pregnancy. Another symptom seems to be a case of the chubs. I don't know if these women know this, but nobody likes a fat girl. Sure, I'd love to order the nachos and the onion rings and claim that I'm "eating for two," but I guess I have something these pregnant women don't: self-respect.

When they aren't busy eating, pregnant women are constantly crying or going to the bathroom. They'll swear up and down that these are more of those famous pregnancy symptoms, but I watch television and I know that unstable women who constantly need to run to the bathroom are drug addicts. Perhaps you remember a certain episode of Saved by the Bell, when Jessie Spano got addicted to caffeine pills and Zack Morris had to stage an intervention to get her to stop the madness? Well, every time one of these pill-addled fatties waddles down the hall toward the loo, I wish I had Zack's courage.

And the worst part is that the endless complaining doesn't end after the baby is born. Rather than appreciating the fact that they had a normal child in spite of the drugs and the reckless overeating, new parents go on and on about how hard child care is. Everyone knows that kids love television and candy. Yet I've met parents who refuse to give a baby candy or let it watch TV, and then complain when it cries. Wouldn't you cry if someone took away your bourbon and cut your cable line just as Desperate Housewives was about to commence? What if Eva Longoria said something especially sassy and you missed it?

And then there are the babies themselves. Try saying something polite to a baby, such as "How are you?" or "Did you see Lost this week? Were you surprised to find out what was in the hatch?" The baby will simply fix you with a cold, fishy stare and not reply at all.

Listen, I don't want to brag, but I've done a lot of hard things in my life, and I'm tired of being told I have "no idea" what it's like to have a baby. Why, just last week my friend Carrie gave me a set of Calphalon pots and pans. These pots and pans are not machine washable, and you can only use nonmetal utensils with them or you'll risk scratching them. In short, my Calphalon pans are just as hard to take care of as a baby. But try pointing this out to a pregnant woman and the next thing you know, she's kicked you in the crotch.