Reason #17 Why it's Better to be a Man Than a Woman...

Passive Aggression.

Ok, first a disclaimer:

I am fully aware that this and other "Why it's Better to be a Man Than a Woman" (or WIBBAMTAW) posts are blatant generalizations and are by no means representative of the entire female population. However, there are certain tendencies I have seen displayed by enough members of said population that I believe they merit mentioning, which is where WIBBAMTAW comes from. I welcome and even encourage a "Why it's better to be a Woman than a Man" (or WIBBAWTAM) rebuttal from a female reader, but only if you have a reason that is at least comparable with Reason #1 of Why it's Better to be a Man Than a Woman, which is, of course, that we can pee standing up.

All right, now that that's out of the way...

Let me start with a story. When I was about 12, me and two friends were walking through a large grass field near my house. Me and one friend were engaged in the usual male pastime of joking around and insulting each other, when he went too far and started making fun of my cat. Being a firm believer in the awesomeness of my cat, I punched him. He punched me back. We then duked it out while friend #2 cheered us on. We both went home mad. The next day, we were hanging out again.

The end.

I tell this story because it has two great lessons for women. First, if something someone is doing bothers you, let them know. Whether its verbally, in written form, or a smack to the face, communicate to them somehow that you don't like what they are doing. Second, get on with your life.

Working in HR, I deal with a lot of drama. This drama is almost entirely female related. In fact, research has shown that 95% of drama in the workplace is created by women*. It has been my experience that most of this drama could be avoided if one or both sides would have actually just told each other what was bothering them in the first place.

An example (as always, I've changed all identifying details):

I did an exit interview a while back with a woman who had left one of our offices. On asking her what had led to this, she launched into a 50 minute diatribe (would have been longer, but I had to cut her off) detailing every slight, misfortune, and hardship imposed upon her by her boss (who also happened to be a woman) and co-workers over the 6 years she worked there. She mentioned everything from other employees not doing their duties and messing up the workflow to how a certain co-worker would occasionally give her "crusties". When I asked what the manager had said when she brought these issues up with her, she said they had never spoken about it. When I asked how the co-workers reacted when she brought up their neglected duties, she said she never had. Apparently her way of dealing with this hellish environment wasn't to address the problems, but to engage in a series of strange, clandestine passive-aggressive actions that would indirectly get back at her co-workers for her (i.e. making the ones she didn't like go all the way to the front desk to receive their faxes instead of putting them in their boxes for them.)

"Great. So it was bad environment, you're out of it now, found a new job, will never see anyone from that office again. Can I share your comments with them so we can make sure this doesn't happen to anyone in the future?"

"Oh no! Please don't do that! I don't want them to know I said something mean about them!"

Spectacular. So instead of confronting someone with your feelings, you'd rather wallow in misery, humiliation, and frustration in a stressful, underpaid position FOR 6 YEARS, then ultimately quit. And still not let them know how you feel.

And I get these all the time. I don't know that I've ever had a male ex-employee ask me not to share his comments. They usually say, "Sure, I've already told them all this anyway."

Another example, this one from out of the workplace:

There were two girls I was friends with. They hung out all the time, talked about boys, best friends forever, all that stuff. One day one said something that the other didn't like. Instead of telling her that, the second friend went to a group of mutual friends, told them the horrible things the other had said (perhaps exaggerating a point or two), and turned them all against the first friend. That was over 10 years ago. They still haven't spoken to this day.

Now here's the funny thing: Many women will say the reason they don't confront (or fight) friends/co-workers/family who they are mad at is because they don't want to be mean. They also scoff at the male method of duking it out, deeming it immature and barbaric. So what do they do instead? Emotionally and mentally mutilate the person.

Give the cold shoulder, pretend they don't exist, start gossip and spread lies about them, act like they are friends, then stab them in the back as soon as they leave the room. Or, as Elaine in Seinfeld summed it up: "We just make fun of them until they develop an eating disorder."

Which is more damaging to a person? Really, where's the logic in 'I'd never punch my best friend, but I'm fine with beating and ripping her apart emotionally'? Can someone explain this?

Well hey, as long as no one is getting harmed physically, I guess you're ok.

Anyways, I saw this video clip on the internet about a year ago.

Now that is an admirable demonstration of how NOT to give in to passive aggression. Lady #1 is not happy with what Lady #2 is saying, so she shows, quite clearly, how she feels about it. Lady #2, who is more startled than hurt, receives immediate feedback on how her actions are effecting Lady #1. Daughter of Lady #1 gets to see her mom in action and has something to tell her friends about the next day. Lady #1 gets to go home that night and not think about what she should have said or done, Lady #2 knows exactly where she stands with Lady #1, and we all get an entertaining video. It's a win-win all around.

Cheers to you, Lady #1.

And that is why it's better to be a man than a woman.



*I read that on Wikipedia somewhere, so it must be true**.


**Ok, I didn't actually read that anywhere. And things written on Wikipedia are rarely true.