First, the 100 Man Effect

My favorite is the fourth clip where they throw the guy in the air, then disappear. I think it's my favorite because most Japanese businessmen are so stuffy and morose and could definitely use something like this.

And I still have some pent-up anger from getting kekko'd for two years straight...

Silent Library

This one brings up fond memories of playing the batsu game with Searle, Rands, and Miyasaki every morning in Atsugi.

I'll just give you the link since I'm having trouble posting the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcofZqccSQA

Japanese Bathroom Prank

Warning: several butt-shots ensue. Possibly the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. Especially when they work the boat into the whole thing.

Japanese Mission Impossible: Ski Resort spa prank

Serious, can you imagine someone trying to do any of these in America? Do you know how many lawsuits would ensue? Let's take the port-o-potty one: First, the poor sap who had his or her arse put on display for the whole world to see would sue. Then, the spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend who is standing by laughing would sue. After that each passerby would sue, claiming emotional trauma. Then the families of the victims would sue. Then Johnny Knocksville would sue, claiming they stole the idea from him. And if it ever aired on TV, a couple thousand more people would sue. America is stupid that way.

Though, to be completely honest -- if I went to a ski resort and ended up careening down the bunny hill in nothing but a loincloth, I'd probably consider getting some money out of it too. Or at least one of those delicious $12.00 ski resort burgers...

Been out of town

Hey, I'm back. I've been in Vegas at a Society of Human Resource Convention. I'll get a post up on that soon.

Actually, let me rephrase that.

Someday, I will get a post up on that.

Is it wrong that I take a cruel, vindictive pleasure in this?

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/06/08/paris.hilton.ap/index.html

The part about Paris Hilton getting dragged out of a courtroom crying and screaming, that is.

I guess I need to start out by saying I despise Paris Hilton. And not just her, but this whole breed of human-wasteland-as-celebrity that we've produced as a society (i.e. Spears, Lohan, etc.). With all the serious, messed up things happening in the world the fact that we pay so much attention to these shallow, intellectually vapid dolts actually makes me vomit in my own mouth a little. Millions displaced and dying in Darfur? Who cares, Paris Hilton got another DUI - slap it on the front page! The president of Russia is ticked off about the U.S. missle Defense Shield? That's not a story, Lindsey Lohan just went back into rehab!

Do you realize we were within a George W. Bush gaffe of starting a second Cold War with Russia just a few days ago? Do you know what CNN.com's headline story was? Hilton Reports to Jail.

Anyways, I've gone off on a tangent here. Back to my original subject.

After hearing that the tart in question had been let off on "house-arrest" due to an unspecified "medical-condition" (read: she wouldn't eat jail food), I was extremely disturbed. I mean, would any of us - the poor, insignificant lumpen of the proletariat - get the same concession if a judge had specifically made orders against it? Yet here she was, three days into her already shortened term, going home to spend the rest of her "punishment" in her mansion. Harsh.

Fortunately the judge brought her back into the courtroom and ordered her to serve the original sentence of 45 days in its entirety, in jail, restoring an iota of my faith in the American legal system and California's government as he did so. Good for you, unnamed judge.

It's pretty low in me, I admit, but I did get a certain sense of satisfaction in reading this. Can you believe she actually called out for her mother in the courtroom, like a spoiled 8-year old fighting with her brother? Perhaps justice isn't always for sale in this country.

Enjoy the food, Paris.

Another grevious sin to add to my list...

This is awesome. There's an old man who lives just a block or two away from us who gets absolutely livid when people 'speed' by his house. Two problems though: 1) he lives on a road that is practically the lone outlet for over 2000 people and is therefore very busy, and 2) his definition of speeding is anything over 25 mph. Over 20 mph, actually. He'll shake his fist, jump out into the road, and even throw brooms and shovels at speeding cars to get them to slow down. We've driven by him going 25 before and still get the condemning pump of the fist. What's even more fun is the fact that he's the minister at the neighboring church.

Anyways, up till now only those who live in our neck of the woods have been aware of this very special man (affectionately referring to him as "the crazy old man"), but as of today his place as a local celebrity has been sealed forever, as he made the front page of the newspaper. Check it out:

Minister: Speeding is a Sin

Keep in mind this is the same paper that once put a career fair (and the back of my head) on the front page, but still...quite an accomplishment.

Just to give you an idea of this guy, imagine Kramer in his 70's. And not funny. And the minister of a church. Here's my favorite quote from the article:

He said the people who complain about him and tell the police they're not speeding are liars and therefore sinners.

"It is not Christian," he said.

Ah, yes. Because nothing shows Christian love like following a complete stranger into his place of work and screaming at him in front of co-workers, supervisors, and customers for going 30 mph past your house. That's the way to convert the world.

Four Way Stops ≠Rocket Science

That's it, I can't take it anymore. I have to vent.

Why can't people figure out 4-way stops?

Seriously, are they that hard? Here's what you do - if someone gets to a 4-way stop before you, you let them go. If you get there at the same time, whoever is on the right goes first. That's it.

Pretty simple, right? Apparently not, because it seems half the people I meet at these things heven't the least idea what they're supposed to do.

Should I go? No, I think he does. Well wait, he's not moving and I got here 10 seconds before him, so maybe that means I go. Oh, this person just pulled up on the other side. I better wait until he goes. Or how about I just pull forward ten feet into the middle of the intersection and stop? Yeah, that should facilitate an efficient transit for everyone.

If you say that last line in a Brian Regan voice, it's at least 5 times funnier.

As far as I can tell this is what goes on in these peoples' minds. Maybe we need to call a town meeting or something to address the issue. You know, we sound a big gong, the whole city gathers at town hall, the mayor does a 5-minute presentation (with role play) on proper 4-way stop etiquette, the old people get a chance to gripe about how fast college students drive, we all have donuts and go home happy. Problem solved.

Of course, we're still figuring out how to use our blinkers in this town, so expecting everyone to successfully pull off omething as cryptic and intricate as the 4-way stop procedure may be asking a little too much.

Oh yeah, and while we're on the subject, here's another thing that makes me mad -- people driving while on their cell-phones. Hey, thanks for risking the lives of everyone around you just so you can talk to your roommate about what happened on Lost or how your boyfriend thinks you talk too much five minutes sooner than if you just waited until you got home. We all appreciate it.

Ok, I'm done. Thanks for letting me vent. Now that I look back at the post, I guess my purpose in writing today was to show how most people are stupid, but I'm not.

I hope that's what you take away from this: most people are stupid, but not me.

Hey, have a good one.

Hillary Clinton scares me

...Honestly. I am frightened by her. I would love a woman president, but she's not a woman. She's...

EVIL

Obama all the way.

Check out this Onion article: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/hillary_clinton_tries_to_woo

Present from Dundler-Mifflin

It's the simple things in life that bring happiness. Like getting a Dwight Schrute bobblehead for your office desk.

I'll get a pic up sometime. And I stress sometime.

WalMart gave me salmonella and all I got was this lousy jar of peanut butter

Hey I'm back. Sorry for not posting, I'm a horrible blogger, I'll do better blah blah blah.

Anyways, have you heard the whole certain peanut butters are tainted with salmonella thing? Turns out I'm a lucky winner! That's right, I got one of the select few jars with salmonella. Not only did I get the jar, but I ate the entire thing -- and got sick! I'm pretty excited about it, as I've never won anything like this before. And while it's not McDonalds' Monopoly game or a trip to the NBA Finals from Nestle Crunch, at least it's something. Almost like getting one of Willy Wonka's golden tickets...

So on Friday we realized we had a special jar and that it was most likely the cause of my recent discomfort (we thought I just had the flu or something), so I called up the special customer service line of the company responsible, ConAgra Foods, just to see if salmonella is serious enough that I need to see the doctor. Apparently this line had been set up just for customers who had questions about the salmonella outbreak.

After sitting through a 5-minute recorded description of the problem (which assured us that they didn't think there was a problem, but were recalling the PB "just to be safe,") they put me on hold. To my surprise, it almost immediately made the clicking sound meaning an actual person was going to talk to me. What joy!

Instead it hung up on me.

So I called them again later, sat through the description, sat through a 20 minute hold time (I hate hold music. I really, really hate it) finally heard the clicking noise again and got...another machine. After listening to the steady, disinterested drone of some woman reading off a script for another few minutes, telling me the exact same thing the first message did, I was ready to hang up and take my chances with the salmonella. But then the machine asked me: "Do you have a pencil so I can give you the address?" It had been a real person the whole time. She hadn't asked what my question was, she had just launched into her scripted spill designed to turn away as many people as possible.

So I told her all I wanted to know was how bad salmonella is and if I needed to see a doctor. I've been feeling better lately and hate going to the hospital. I thought this was the type of question the "special customer-help line" was designed to answer, but apparently the 15-minute orientation they gave their temps didn't cover such a strange question, as she replied, "Uh...just one moment."

A long pause as I hear the shuffling of paper. Finally she gets back on and proceeds to read me the entire background of the disease salmonella.

When she finishes I say, "So I probably don't need to see a doctor then?" to which she replies, "Um...it says here it usually stays in the system for 4-7 days."

"Ok. I guess I'm good then."

"Do you want to take down the address so you can get a free replacement jar of peanut butter?"

So all I have to do is send the lid from the previous jar and a request to this company, and they'll send me a free replacement jar of PEANUT BUTTER! Awesome! Because I definitely feel like eating more of their peanut butter right now! I mean, the last one was so good...

That's my PB story. Glad to be back.

KATIE

Here is our baby girl. Katie the string eater.

Snape

I just interviewed Severus Snape. I'm not even kidding. But only if Severus Snape was a computer programmer from Arizona.

I feel like you need to know these things.

Politics

I follow politics. Not as closely as our friend Sorro, but close enough to be thoroughly disgusted by it.

I thought about posting a rant detailing my many grievances, but figured posting a few links would provide the venting I need after the most recent election. Here you go.


http://www.libertypost.org/cgi-bin/readart.cgi?ArtNum=74986

This one has some great advice for the Democrats. It was written just after the 2004 elections but still applies today. While I don't consider myself a Republican, it outlines most of the reasons why I definitely don't consider myself a Democrat.


http://opensecrets.org

Great site. See who finances your favorite politician's campaign. Cigarrettes, anyone?


http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/11/09/va.senate/index.html

Lost by only one third of one percent. Ouch. Bet Allen wishes he could take back that "Macaca" remark. It pays to have one of your intern lackeys follow your opponent around with a camera all the time.


http://youtube.com/watch?v=tdAjGXFJw3s

Pre-school attack ad. Awesome.


And of course, the one redeeming quality of politics: political cartoons.

http://cagle.com/politicalcartoons/

Hero

I have a new hero. His name is Mark Roberts.

http://espn.go.com/page2/s/drehs/030306.html

While I'm on this particular subject, I may as well drop the link to one of the best YouTube videos ever: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZGIq1X7_RZk. I don't think this would be half as funny if the announcers weren't British.

I can get 70 miles to the gallon on this hog...

In other news, I recently purchased a scooter. Here it is, in all its blue fiberglass glory. It's a Kymco ZX50 which I've christened "Pepe" (pronounced peh-pay).

Pepe may only be a 50cc, but he has surprising umph. He tops out at about 45 on flat surfaces and struggles a bit on hills, but I couldn't be any happier with him. He gets me to work and back a couple time a day and makes it so I can leave the car at home for momma.

And here's the best part. The price of a fill-up: 3 BUCKS.

Long live Pepe.

Accident Pics at last

Here's the X-ray, not that you can tell where the actual fractures are or anything. I just thought I should get the most out of it since it cost me 150 bucks.

Here we are at the cabin pre-accident, having a merry old time. It's all fun and games until someone breaks their pelvic bone.
*Not an actual pic of Panguitch Lake. Added it just to give you a feeling of the general ambiance there.

So there are the pics. I was going to write more, but this is too depressing. I need to blog about something more fun.

ATVs are evil

It's true. That's why this elephant, an Asiatic symbol of royal power and prestige, is attacking one.

(I've got more pics, but for whatever reason Blogspot won't let me put them on. Seems unfair, apparently MC Hammer isn't having any problems getting his on.)

So a week ago we were at a friend's cabin in scenic Panguitch Lake. Amy went on a 4-wheeler ride with a friend, they accidentally tipped it, she was thrown off and fractured her pelvic bone in 4 different areas. We spent a good part of Labor Day weekend in the emergency room.

The good news is that she's ok, they don't have to do surgery or put steel pins in her hip or anything. The bad news is she has to stay in bed for a couple weeks and can barely move around. Add to that the baby and my full-time job and we're in a tough situation. Luckily we have awesome family and friends and have been able to get the help we need.

As if our lives hadn't been eventful enough lately. Amy has a great attitude, she was cracking jokes with the doctor and nurses and is pretty positive. It's been a little tough for me -- as the caring fix-all husband I was wishing it was me in the hospital bed instead, but all you can do is watch. Also, I've been the sole "can you go get this" or "will you move this for me" or "I feel like some tapioca pudding and waffles, will you get that?" person for the last 10 months and was looking forward to a break, as well as having my wife back. Now my tour has been extended another 2 months. What do you do though? Could have been a whole lot worse.


Anyways, here are some highlights from the weekend:

1. The "My-wife-is-hurt-so-driving-rules-be-damned" drive to the hospital.
2. A couple of country boys came in to the ER while we were there, one with a severe laceration on his forehead where a high powered rifle had recoiled and hit him in the head with its scope. While getting stitched up his friend tried to convince the doctor to do it in a lightning pattern so he "would look like Harry Potter".
3. As we were leaving another person came in, this time a young woman who had been thrown off a horse and suffered a concussion and compound fracture. Oddly enough she was laughing hysterically about the whole thing and kept saying things like, "Did I look hot when I fell?" Her boyfriend claimed she had "turned goofy" once they pulled into the hospital parking lot, but I think she was hopped up on goofballs.

Triathlon number 2

Last weekend was the XTerra Sport Triathlon in beautiful Ogden Utah. Ok, Ogden isn't really beautiful. In fact if the state of Utah were somebody's body, Ogden would be the area in the small of the back where sweat accumulates and the butt begins. No offense to anyone from Ogden of course. It's just a good thing the tri was actually held at Pineview Reservoir and Snowbasin (which are close to Ogden).

This is my second Tri. The first one was back in May in St. George and was really fun. This one kicked my butt. Having been sick and immobile for almost the entire month of June and having the baby in July put me behind in my training, so I wasn't in the best shape to begin with. On top of that I was a little sick come race day and ended up puking a third of the way through the bike course.

The puke was blue.

With little white things in it.

PowerAde tastes the same on the way out.

(Quick sidenote: did you know that Shakespeare was the one who came up with the term "puking"? It's true. We owe so much to the Bard.)

So after I Called Ralph on the Big White Phone I felt a little better, but decided I would just finish the bike ride and call it quits. I took it easy and hung out in the back of the pack (the very back) and after a tortuous 13 mile climb finally made it to the run transition area. After resting 5 or 10 minutes I thought I could finish the 3 mile run so I went for it. I walked on the hills (whoever designed this course is a sick, sick person -- almost the entire thing was uphill) and ran on the even parts and was able to finish. Last in my age group, but I finished all the same.

So I wouldn't call my experience at this triathlon fun, but I'm definitely glad I did it. It's kind of a bummer to train and plan on something like this for months only to get sick that day, but there's also something great about overcoming obstacles and achieving a goal despite unforeseen difficulties. And they give you free popsicles at the end.

Baby's first triathlon. I hope she does them when she grows up. I'd rather have a sporty tom-boy than a cheerleader type.
The finish line. I did the first one in 1:55. This one took 2:55 for roughly the same distance.

I think it's great when kids feed dogs from the table.

I saw this Hummer in the parking lot and had to get a picture of it, as it is possibly the only Hummer I have ever seen that actually had some dirt on it. My Toyota Corolla probably sees more off-road action than most Hummers.


Amy and Baby.

I'm Back

Sorry about the delay there. I realize it's been over a month since my last post. You may think I'm lazy or a procrastinator. And you'd be right. Anyways, here are the pics of Katie Hart Mickel, as promised.

Here's me in mid someone's-taking-a-picture-of-me-so-I-should-look-up movement while baby looks on.

The ride home from the hospital. For some reason we were really worried about putting the baby in the car seat, as though its hard plastic construction and cruel harness might hurt her.

Here is the card detailing the weight and length of the baby after she was born. I find it interesting that we classify our newborn offspring the same way would a newly caught fish: "Yeah, she's 6 pounds 15 ounces, 19 inches long. Beautiful coloring."

What are we describing here, a human being or a rainbow trout?

Mom and baby.

Katie is awesome. Apparently she's pretty mellow and good-tempered. That's what others tell us anyway. We wouldn't know, she's the first baby we've had so we don't have anything to compare her against.

She has a full head of dark, brown hair and olive colored skin, which is interesting since Amy and I are both pasty white and blonde. Although Amy's mom is that way, as is one of my brothers, so I suppose the genes are in us. We were both surprised when she came out, I guess we expected a blonde, freckled little kid with pig-tails.

So far we don't think she really looks like either of us, though she does resemble a tiny, wrinkled, grumpy old man with a receding hairline. Or a little Buddha, which, come to think of it, may be a great nickname.