Memoirs of a scooter owner

It's been about 2 years now since I bought Pepe' and joined the distinguished ranks of scooter ownership. My, how the time flies. I thought this was a good time to look back and review what I've learned since that fateful decision, both for my own amusement and for your edification.

• By my pedestrian calculations, if Pepe' can last another year without needing any major repairs he will have paid for himself in gas money. $1900.
• For whatever reason wives and mothers are solidly against motorcylces, but they're perfectly fine with scooters. Which is funny because the only difference between the two is the location of the motor and I'm just as likely to get pounded on my 50cc scooter as I am a 750cc motorcycle. I just won't be going as fast when it happens. This apparent disconnect in the female mind is due to the fact that scooters are perceived as being totally wimpy (more on this below).
• Scooters are totally wimpy.
• Let me rephrase that. Most scooters are totally wimpy. Many scooters are just as powerful and fast as the top motorcycles. Mine? I'll just say my wife frequently mistakes the sound of its motor for the neighbor's weed-whacker.
• You can get the best parking anywhere when you have a scooter. It's like having a handicapped logo on your license plate, only better because you can park on walkways.
• I haven't received this much simultaneous ridicule and admiration from people around me for a decision in my life since I was an LDS missionary. Really. Many people laugh at you. Many people tell you how smart you are. Many people laugh at you then later tell you how smart you are.
• There are no other similarities between owning a scooter and being a missionary.
• Along with the ridicule/admiration comment, the ratio of people who laugh at you versus the people who tell you how smart you are and how they wish they had a scooter decreases substantially when gas prices go up. I haven't been laughed at for about 7 months now, but I've had a dozen people tell me they want to get a scooter.
• People in Cedar City are unaccostomed to sharing the road with motorcycles, scooters, and bicycles. These strange, alien conveyances confuse them and they are unsure whether the usual laws of the road apply when encountered with one. Because of this you must plan on getting cut-off, tailgated, and merged-into every time you turn on that ignition.
• I really, really want one of those German WWI helmets with the spike on top to replace my current helment. And a cape.

All in all buying Pepe' was a very good decision. He's just about paid for himself in gas savings, is perfect for my daily home-work-home-work-home commute (I usually go home for lunch), can park anywhere, and is fun to ride. If anyone out there is thinking about getting a scooter I would definitely recommend it, provided you: are aware you probably won't be able to use it from December to February(unless you are in Cali); get at least a 150cc (you have to fork out $200 more and get your motorcycle license, but the extra power is worth it); and are secure in your self-image (One great thing about being married is you aren't as worried about being "cool" anymore. You don't have to impress anyone.)

In honor of 2 years of scooter-dom, here's the Scrubs "Ring of Fire" clip.

So how's your day been?

As I was sitting in the dentist's chair yesterday pondering on life while a stranger shoved her latex encased fingers into my mouth I came up with the following list:

Five People That Feel Obligated to Make Conversation Who I Wish Didn't

1. The Dental Assistant who is cleaning your teeth
2. Your Barber/Hair Stylist
3. The guy who is also waiting for his wife outside the women's restroom
4. Anyone who is about to try and sell you something
5. The Dentist himself

You will notice that two of these people are to be found at the dental office.

I am now a believer

BYU 59, UCLA 0

Wow. Just...wow.

UPDATE: As of the C State game, I no longer believe.

UPDATE 2: Utah just had their way with "Zion's College". I believe though. Believe they're grossly overrated.

NOTHER ONE UPDATE: Arizona?! Are you kidding me? We lost to Arizona?! I'm seriously rethinking suspending my BYU fanship. Some may say you can't do this. I say I can and will. In fact....there! I just did.

Job Searching Faux Pas number 4

Having your dad or wife check on the job for you.

These aren't uncommon: I get a call from someone asking about a particular job. After giving them all the background I begin to ask about their work experience when they say "Oh, it's not for me, it's for my husband. Um...can he come in for an interview?" Or the other variety: dad dragging his teenage kid into my office, telling me how he/she is a hard worker, would really like to work for our company, and that they (the parent) knows the wife of the brother of the CFO from the PTA while the kid stands silent and awkward in the corner gazing at my demotivation poster.

The logic behind both is ridiculous, of course. If the person won't take the initiative to talk to us themselves why should we think they'd have the initiative to actually do the job? I mean, when a wife is calling for her husband my immediate assumption is that the guy is sitting in the living room not 10 feet from her eating Funyuns, playing Madden 08, and wondering why his wife just can't accept him for who he is. With the teenager it's pretty much the same assumption, only swap Madden for Guitar Hero 2.

There's a place for people like that. It's called the public sector. Ba-Doom CHA!

(That was a joke. Only a joke. No angry e-mails please.)

Catching up with Mr. B

My chance invoking of the name Mr. Belding from the dusty halls of pop culture past in a prior post made me a little curious, so I did a little research (about 3 minutes worth) to see what has happened to everyone's favorite high school principal.

The result? Apparently he has enjoyed his minor celebrity by drinking, ballooning into a Charles Barkleyesque girth, and posing in pictures at seedy bars for college students who remember a thinner, far less creepy Mr. B from their youth.

At least Screech will always have his innocence...

Oh yeah, and if you're going to run a Google image search on Mr. Belding I'd recommend having the family filter on. There are some images no kid brought up on Saved by the Bell should ever see.

Memorial Walk

Here are some pics from the Memorial Walk we put on last Friday. It was a great event and the response from the community was heartening. Everyone from the local banks to the media to SUU went out of their way to help us. It was a moving experience and I'm thankful I got to be a part of it.

CF - What we learned this weekend

1. BYU isn't as good as people think (so far, anyway).
2. Utah is better than people think (so far, anyway).
3. The football leaving your hand during an unbridled moment of celebratory joy is grounds for harsh punishment in the NCAA, yet implementing a system of apartheid to segregate the college community into the privileged and the "lower class" is perfectly fine.
4. Notre Dame still sucks .
5. The most interesting team at the moment could have Long John Silver as their mascot.

Now I know some people are going to argue numbers 1 and 2, so let me explain:

Sure BYU is 2-0, but they struggled at home against a I-AA team and BARELY eeked out a win against Washington, a team that won 2 games last year, got blown out by Oregon last week (who is ranked lower than BYU), and they needed a ridiculous call and a bailout from the Angel of Blocked PAT's to pull it off.

Utah, meanwhile, pulls out a win against Michigan in the Big House and wins handily against UNLV.

If BYU takes UCLA next week, I'll get on the bandwagon. But if I had to guess who's going to have a more interesting season (based on what we've seen so far), I'd have to go with the Utes.

I'm Done

So I've been following politics more in the past two years than any other time in my life. It hasn't been worth it. I thought about venting my angst in a post, but instead I happened upon this cartoon. It sums up my feelings pretty well.

If I write another post about politics this year I want you to punch me the next time you see me. Seriously. In the crotch.

Bad Job Search Advice

One thing I've realized during my time as HR guy is that there are a lot of people out there giving job interview advice that really have no place being out there and giving job interview advice. Case in point:

A few days back a candidate shows up for his interview 40 minutes early. Now I'm used to people showing up way earlier than they need to, but 40 minutes is a record.

ME: Oh...(looking at clock) ...hi. I'm sorry, I thought we had the interview set for 2:00.

CANDIDATE: (Stands in doorway with an expectant look.) Yeah, we do.

ME: (brief pause) You're uh...early.

CANDIDATE: (Studies watch for a moment.) It's almost 1:30. (said in a manner that communicated 1:30 was the logical time to start a 2:00 interview)

Now, typically, when a candidate shows up early they'll apologize and ask if it's a good time. If I'm busy I'll ask them to come back later. If not I'll just go ahead and start it. Not being especially busy (and perhaps a little intrigued by his cavalier flaunting of cultural convention, though also slightly annoyed) I decide to bring him in.

The interview goes on. He's a nice guy, but far less qualified than our other candidates. I'm about to thank him for his time when:

CANDIDATE: Sorry I was a little early. But that's how you interview, right?

ME: What do you mean?

CANDIDATE: Well, Professor _____ (Name withheld not to protect the person's identity, but because I can't remember it. Frankly anyone who says something this stupid deserves public ridicule) in the business department told me that you are supposed to show up at least 30 minutes early for an interview so the secretary can have you sit down and take notes on everything you do. Then she gets with the interviewer afterwards and they compare notes. That's how you interview, right?

ME: (simultaneously flabbergasted and trying not to laugh) I'm sorry, who told you this?

CANDIDATE: The business department (nodding in the direction of SUU).

ME: Well, maybe that's how they did it 40 years ago, but not anymore. You can just show up...you know...at the actual interview time.

CANDIDATE: (looking slightly betrayed) Oh. Um...ok.

The lesson here? If your professor hasn't worked in the private sector since the Truman administration and he or she is giving you interview advice, don't listen. Just...don't listen. Put that Ipod on shuffle and just zone out for a while.

(note: I'm not sure what Mr. Belding has to do with this post, but I'm happy to see him up there just the same.)

I miss John McCain

I try not to blog much about politics anymore since it's a sensitive issue and a sure fire way to tick people off, but I have to get this out.

Whatever happened to John McCain? Remember the guy who expressed outrage over the smear job the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth did on John Kerry? Remember the guy who cared more about getting positive legislation passed than petty partisan politics? The guy who had no problem doing what was right even if it meant rankling his fellow Repubs?

I miss that man. He probably would have made a good president.