Those "Getting to Know You" Lists

So I've gotten a few of those "Get to know you" lists lately. I've got no problem with these lists, I just think they could ask more interesting questions. This made me think, "why don't I come up with my own list?" So I did.

Here are 15 questions I came up with off the top of my head that I feel constitute a more interesting "Get to know you" list. I'll answer them this afternoon. You should too. And then send them to me.

UPDATE: Put my answers in. For the third time.


When is the last time you vomited, and what is your longest no-puke streak?

Maybe 4 months ago. Didn't properly reheat some food. Still can't think about sausage gumbo without shuddering. Oohh, just did it again. Longest streak is only about 4 years, which pales in comparison to many I've heard. Please everyone, put me in my place.


If you could punch one celebrity in the face with no repercussions, who would it be?

Shia Le'Beouf

Who would win in a fight and why: Michelle Obama or Richard Simmons, if Richard Simmons was sufficiently riled up and armed with a machete and three road flares?

I'm going with Obama. She would charge Mr. Simmons, who would get a good whack or two in before getting thrown to the ground. Obama would overpower him and forego the dropped machete to strangle him with her bare hands. I don't see Simmons making proper use of the flares (i.e. attempting to burn Obama's eyes out), and had probably tried throwing them at her (unlit) during her charge. Obama: two or three major cuts on her arm, a deep scratch on her right cheek, Simmons: dead.

Now that I think of it, this still isn't a very fair fight, even with the machete. Better give Simmons a trained puma as well. Or a lemur.


What is one thing you wouldn’t confess to your parents, yet have no problem letting thousands of faceless strangers and partial acquaintances on the internet know?

After my mission I met a girl and left college for about 4 months to live in Puerto Rico.


How many times have you used cell-phone issues (bad reception, no minutes, low battery, etc.) as an excuse, when in reality you just didn’t want to talk to the person?

None. Though I've done it with other phones.


On your way home from work you stop by the local automated car wash. After the sudsy scrub, wash, and wax phases the giant blue drying curtains pull back and you emerge, not out of the other side of the car wash, but into Disneyland. Do you: A) pause to investigate this astonishing aberration of reason and dimensional physics, or B) get in line for Space Mountain.

A, but on the way to B.


Are you filling this out at work?

Yes. In fact, I wrote all the questions at work too.


If yes, how much time would it actually take you to finish your average day’s work if you were allowed to go home as soon as you were done?

4 hours. Tops.


You find an uneaten éclair at the top of the garbage bin, virtually untouched by the filth around it. No one is around. You are hungry and it looks very good. Do you eat it?

Yes. In fact, I probably would even if someone was around. That's the way I roll.


Have you ever flipped someone off while driving?

I don't think so, though I have mooned a few people. Once while going 85 mph.


It’s just a typical day. You get into your car to head to work. As you reach for your seat belt, you are astonished to find that, in addition to a kickin’ set of mirror dice, your car has also been fitted with a flux capacitor and a time-date coordinate computer. As you hit 88 mph you find yourself in the neighborhood you grew up in and your 12 year-old self is standing next to the car. What 2 pieces of advice do you give your 12 year-old self that could potentially change the course of your life (before taking off for 2020 to stand in line for the latest, almost-operable iPhone)?

1- If you want to be happy, think of others more than yourself,
2- Invest in Microsoft. And later Apple.


If you had the choice of being the top scientist in your field or having Mad Cow disease, which would you choose?

Top scientist.

Oh good, I was worried you’d pick the Mad Cow.

Me too.


List 2 things you know you should do but you’ve managed to convince yourself you’re too busy to do them:

1. Keeping up on my Japanese.
2. Hometeaching.


What is the last all-out lie you've told?

The answer to number 4.

As you sit in Bahama Breeze restaurant contemplating the great truths of the universe, you suddenly realize that the coconut shrimp appetizer in front of you is actually a metaphor for your life; the way the different strands of the basket holding the shrimp weave in and out, interlocking with one another like the different friends that have come in and out of your life, how each individual shrimp represents a different period of your childhood and adolescence—some bigger, tastier, and more desirable, others harder, crustier, yet every bit as important in your growth and in making you who you are today, how the contrasting flavors of the pineapple and cocktail dipping sauces symbolize the contrasting personalities and parental styles of your mother and father, who have left distinct, indelible marks on your psyche just as the sweet, delicate taste of pineapple and the bold, robust flavor of tomato and horseradish leave distinct, lingering marks on one's tongue...then the waitress comes and snaps you out of your reverie.

Do you order the Beef Kabobs, Mahi-Mahi, or Surf and Turf?

Surf and Turf.