Snape

I just interviewed Severus Snape. I'm not even kidding. But only if Severus Snape was a computer programmer from Arizona.

I feel like you need to know these things.

Politics

I follow politics. Not as closely as our friend Sorro, but close enough to be thoroughly disgusted by it.

I thought about posting a rant detailing my many grievances, but figured posting a few links would provide the venting I need after the most recent election. Here you go.


http://www.libertypost.org/cgi-bin/readart.cgi?ArtNum=74986

This one has some great advice for the Democrats. It was written just after the 2004 elections but still applies today. While I don't consider myself a Republican, it outlines most of the reasons why I definitely don't consider myself a Democrat.


http://opensecrets.org

Great site. See who finances your favorite politician's campaign. Cigarrettes, anyone?


http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/11/09/va.senate/index.html

Lost by only one third of one percent. Ouch. Bet Allen wishes he could take back that "Macaca" remark. It pays to have one of your intern lackeys follow your opponent around with a camera all the time.


http://youtube.com/watch?v=tdAjGXFJw3s

Pre-school attack ad. Awesome.


And of course, the one redeeming quality of politics: political cartoons.

http://cagle.com/politicalcartoons/

Hero

I have a new hero. His name is Mark Roberts.

http://espn.go.com/page2/s/drehs/030306.html

While I'm on this particular subject, I may as well drop the link to one of the best YouTube videos ever: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZGIq1X7_RZk. I don't think this would be half as funny if the announcers weren't British.

I can get 70 miles to the gallon on this hog...

In other news, I recently purchased a scooter. Here it is, in all its blue fiberglass glory. It's a Kymco ZX50 which I've christened "Pepe" (pronounced peh-pay).

Pepe may only be a 50cc, but he has surprising umph. He tops out at about 45 on flat surfaces and struggles a bit on hills, but I couldn't be any happier with him. He gets me to work and back a couple time a day and makes it so I can leave the car at home for momma.

And here's the best part. The price of a fill-up: 3 BUCKS.

Long live Pepe.

Accident Pics at last

Here's the X-ray, not that you can tell where the actual fractures are or anything. I just thought I should get the most out of it since it cost me 150 bucks.

Here we are at the cabin pre-accident, having a merry old time. It's all fun and games until someone breaks their pelvic bone.
*Not an actual pic of Panguitch Lake. Added it just to give you a feeling of the general ambiance there.

So there are the pics. I was going to write more, but this is too depressing. I need to blog about something more fun.

ATVs are evil

It's true. That's why this elephant, an Asiatic symbol of royal power and prestige, is attacking one.

(I've got more pics, but for whatever reason Blogspot won't let me put them on. Seems unfair, apparently MC Hammer isn't having any problems getting his on.)

So a week ago we were at a friend's cabin in scenic Panguitch Lake. Amy went on a 4-wheeler ride with a friend, they accidentally tipped it, she was thrown off and fractured her pelvic bone in 4 different areas. We spent a good part of Labor Day weekend in the emergency room.

The good news is that she's ok, they don't have to do surgery or put steel pins in her hip or anything. The bad news is she has to stay in bed for a couple weeks and can barely move around. Add to that the baby and my full-time job and we're in a tough situation. Luckily we have awesome family and friends and have been able to get the help we need.

As if our lives hadn't been eventful enough lately. Amy has a great attitude, she was cracking jokes with the doctor and nurses and is pretty positive. It's been a little tough for me -- as the caring fix-all husband I was wishing it was me in the hospital bed instead, but all you can do is watch. Also, I've been the sole "can you go get this" or "will you move this for me" or "I feel like some tapioca pudding and waffles, will you get that?" person for the last 10 months and was looking forward to a break, as well as having my wife back. Now my tour has been extended another 2 months. What do you do though? Could have been a whole lot worse.


Anyways, here are some highlights from the weekend:

1. The "My-wife-is-hurt-so-driving-rules-be-damned" drive to the hospital.
2. A couple of country boys came in to the ER while we were there, one with a severe laceration on his forehead where a high powered rifle had recoiled and hit him in the head with its scope. While getting stitched up his friend tried to convince the doctor to do it in a lightning pattern so he "would look like Harry Potter".
3. As we were leaving another person came in, this time a young woman who had been thrown off a horse and suffered a concussion and compound fracture. Oddly enough she was laughing hysterically about the whole thing and kept saying things like, "Did I look hot when I fell?" Her boyfriend claimed she had "turned goofy" once they pulled into the hospital parking lot, but I think she was hopped up on goofballs.

Triathlon number 2

Last weekend was the XTerra Sport Triathlon in beautiful Ogden Utah. Ok, Ogden isn't really beautiful. In fact if the state of Utah were somebody's body, Ogden would be the area in the small of the back where sweat accumulates and the butt begins. No offense to anyone from Ogden of course. It's just a good thing the tri was actually held at Pineview Reservoir and Snowbasin (which are close to Ogden).

This is my second Tri. The first one was back in May in St. George and was really fun. This one kicked my butt. Having been sick and immobile for almost the entire month of June and having the baby in July put me behind in my training, so I wasn't in the best shape to begin with. On top of that I was a little sick come race day and ended up puking a third of the way through the bike course.

The puke was blue.

With little white things in it.

PowerAde tastes the same on the way out.

(Quick sidenote: did you know that Shakespeare was the one who came up with the term "puking"? It's true. We owe so much to the Bard.)

So after I Called Ralph on the Big White Phone I felt a little better, but decided I would just finish the bike ride and call it quits. I took it easy and hung out in the back of the pack (the very back) and after a tortuous 13 mile climb finally made it to the run transition area. After resting 5 or 10 minutes I thought I could finish the 3 mile run so I went for it. I walked on the hills (whoever designed this course is a sick, sick person -- almost the entire thing was uphill) and ran on the even parts and was able to finish. Last in my age group, but I finished all the same.

So I wouldn't call my experience at this triathlon fun, but I'm definitely glad I did it. It's kind of a bummer to train and plan on something like this for months only to get sick that day, but there's also something great about overcoming obstacles and achieving a goal despite unforeseen difficulties. And they give you free popsicles at the end.

Baby's first triathlon. I hope she does them when she grows up. I'd rather have a sporty tom-boy than a cheerleader type.
The finish line. I did the first one in 1:55. This one took 2:55 for roughly the same distance.

I think it's great when kids feed dogs from the table.

I saw this Hummer in the parking lot and had to get a picture of it, as it is possibly the only Hummer I have ever seen that actually had some dirt on it. My Toyota Corolla probably sees more off-road action than most Hummers.


Amy and Baby.

I'm Back

Sorry about the delay there. I realize it's been over a month since my last post. You may think I'm lazy or a procrastinator. And you'd be right. Anyways, here are the pics of Katie Hart Mickel, as promised.

Here's me in mid someone's-taking-a-picture-of-me-so-I-should-look-up movement while baby looks on.

The ride home from the hospital. For some reason we were really worried about putting the baby in the car seat, as though its hard plastic construction and cruel harness might hurt her.

Here is the card detailing the weight and length of the baby after she was born. I find it interesting that we classify our newborn offspring the same way would a newly caught fish: "Yeah, she's 6 pounds 15 ounces, 19 inches long. Beautiful coloring."

What are we describing here, a human being or a rainbow trout?

Mom and baby.

Katie is awesome. Apparently she's pretty mellow and good-tempered. That's what others tell us anyway. We wouldn't know, she's the first baby we've had so we don't have anything to compare her against.

She has a full head of dark, brown hair and olive colored skin, which is interesting since Amy and I are both pasty white and blonde. Although Amy's mom is that way, as is one of my brothers, so I suppose the genes are in us. We were both surprised when she came out, I guess we expected a blonde, freckled little kid with pig-tails.

So far we don't think she really looks like either of us, though she does resemble a tiny, wrinkled, grumpy old man with a receding hairline. Or a little Buddha, which, come to think of it, may be a great nickname.

The eagle has landed.

Well, the baby has landed, I guess. And she didn't really land, it was more of a gory spurt followed by the emergence of a wrinkled, purple mini-person who was promptly placed under a heater. At any rate, the baby is here.

What can I say about it? I love being a dad already. Most fun I've ever had. The actual birth went very smoothly and Amy did great. It was also very cool to watch, which surprised me as I cringe at the sight of needles. The baby is wonderful with a full head of dark hair (we're both blonde so it's kind of weird), and all she does is eat and sleep. Mostly sleep. She's awesome.

We named her Katie Hart, though "The Yellow Dart" is still on the table as a nickname. I'll get some pictures up sometime.

Still nothin'

So it turns out due dates are about as reliable as the 10-Day forecast. That's something else they don't tell you your first time. Or maybe they did and I was too busy trying to understand what the difference between the uterine wall and the placenta is.

This is definitely the week though. It looks like Friday.

It's a busy week for us; July 1st is our anniversary, July 3rd is Amy's B-Day, July 4th is July 4th. On top of all that, I just found out that my grandmother passed away and July 5th is the funeral. Interesting variety of activities this week.

At least I don't have Mono...

Speaking of Mono, here's my favorite viral video of the week: "Superfriends: Wazzup" Can't leave without a video.

Nothing yet...

Our due date is tomorrow. No blast-off yet though. The doc says this is the week, and if it hasn't come by next Thursday they will induce it. Exciting, but kind of anti-climatic.

In other news, I am seriously considering buying a moped. Just thought you should know.

Book Review and the NBA

I guess one good thing about being sick for two weeks is you suddenly have plenty of time to read. First up is The Last Season by Phil Jackson, the coach of Kobe's Team (previously known as the Los Angeles Lakers.)

This was a fun read. I'm into sports but have never really read sports books, so when I saw this on Amazon for 5 bucks I couldn't pass it up. The book is a compilation of journal entries written by the Zenmeister during the Lakers ill-fated 2004 season (the year Karl Malone defected from the Jazz to join a team that actually had a chance to win the Finals). Very interesting to get an inside account of what life is like in the NBA; the egos, the arguments, the tantrums -- Kobe is even more immature than you would think. So are most of these guys.

Jackson is an interesting person himself. He has a passion for the sport and coaching, yet somehow keeps himself distanced from everyone and everything. He also claims to be a basketball purist, interested only in team ball and unselfish play, making it hard to understand how he could return to the Lakers and orchestrate one of the most individualistic, show-boating teams in history.

(Disclaimer: If you're not into the NBA, the rest of this post won't be even remotely interesting to you)

And while we're on the subject of the NBA, let me just take a moment to say this:

I AM WAY SMARTER THAN ALL THE SPORTSWRITERS AND SO-CALLED EXPERTS OUT THERE.

I'm not even kidding. These guys don't know anything. Here were my predictions at the beginning of the playoffs, as soon as the match-ups were decided:

Round One
EAST WEST
Detroit over Milwaukee in 4 San Antonio over Kings in 5
Miami over Chicago in 5 Phoenix over Lakers in 6
NJ over Indiana in 6 Clippers over Denver in 7
Cleveland over Wash in 6 Dallas over Memphis in 5

Round Two
Miami over NJ in 5
Detroit over Cleveland in 6
Phoenix over Clips in 6
Dallas over S.A. in 7

Conference Finals
Dallas over Phoenix in 6
Miami over Detroit in 7

Finals
Dallas vs. Miami

A blue city name means I got the winner right, a blue number means I either nailed the amount of games or I got closer than Bill Simmons of ESPN.com, who I used as a comparison (because he's my favorite writer). Simmons had the Lakers playing Dallas in the conf. finals and losing, and a Detroit/Dallas finals. As you can see, I got every team right, including Miami and Dallas in the Finals. If we were to scrore predictions giving one point for choosing the correct team and another for calling the game number, I would have 23 points. Simmons would have 15. And he did better than most.

Check these chumps out: ESPN EXPERT PICKS . The 5 resident experts at ESPN.com gave their picks for each series in the playoffs. They were wrong most of the time. Only one had Miami beating Detroit, only two had Dallas beating San Antonio, and 3 of them picked New Jersey to beat the Heat. Instead the Heat won in 5.

Who are these guys? How can they be "experts" when they can't even call half the games right? Would you trust a mechanic who is right less than half the time? How about a doctor who diagnoses correctly only 40% of the time? Er...ok, those are both poor examples. Forget I said that.

Anyways, I guess my point is that people should pay me to watch sports and then tell them what I think. Really. This needs to happen. Because as far as I'm concerned, I've just exposed the leading experts as frauds. You'll notice that I left my Finals pick unidentified. That's because it is right, and I refuse to share my talent of foresight without some sort of compensation.

Interested parties can contact me through a comment on this blog. Special rates for David Stern, ABC Network execs, and Charles Barkley if he gives me a cut. I'm your Rain Man Charles.

MONO

Mono. It turns out I've had MONO for the past 2 weeks. What am I, like 14 years old?

Anyways, I'd have to say that mono is by far one of the least fun ailments I've had. Not that I've had that many, but if I had to choose between mono and say, having ring worm -- I'd go with the ring worm. Or food poisoning. Or being the top scientist in my field.

I'm back at work now after a nearly two-week long absence. I'm dreading going all my messages and e-mails. Which is why I'm writing this. Ok, here I go.

I don't know why...

...maybe it's because I'm still a little out of it, but this is unbelievably funny to me:

http://www.chickenmcnugget.com/video/gijoereggae.htm

It's a dubbing over one of those old GI Joe public service announcements that would teach us as kids not to start fires or to make fun of old people.

sick...

I've been out the past 6 days with Strep Throat. "My brother and I used to say that staying home from work for a week would be like heaven. Instead I can't sleep, I can't eat, I've got two boilers--this isn't heaven, this sucks!"

Ok, I had to invoke a random movie quote to get my feelings across. This past week was miserable. No fun at all. Apparently Strep (view nasty pic I got off the net at your own risk) is pretty common, but it sounds like mine is a lot worse than most.

For instance, several people I've spoken to have mentioned "staying in bed the whole time" or "sleeping for days". What? They were able to sleep? I didn't sleep for nearly 4 days and the only refreshing bed time I had was lying down so I wouldn't pass out. They also didn't say anything about a throat so raw that eating YOGURT feels like swallowing extra large grain sand-paper. Or gums so saturated with blood that they've swollen to twice their normal size. Or the inside of their mouths erupting into cold sores like boils on poor Job's naked body.

Well that's what I got baby!

Anyways, I'm thinking I'm almost out of it. I'm back at work anyways. The last time I had been to the doctor for a sickness was about 14 years ago, so I suppose I was due. I also think it's good to be sick every once in a while, just so you appreciate what it's like to be normal. So, here you go. Here are 7 Everyday Things Having Strep Throat has Taught me not to Take for Granted: (in no particular order)

1. Being able to turn my head.
2. Sleeping more than 2 hours at a time.
3. Being able to swallow water, milk, or even my own saliva without my throat erupting into a fiery hell.
4. Working.
5. Hugging my wife without the fear that my diseased, leprous touch could destroy our unborn child.
6. Fruit.
7. All the nights where I haven't woken up miserable, drenched in sweat, and with Eminem's "Without Me" playing relentlessly through my head. I'm not kidding. 3 days in a row, everytime I woke up:

"Guess who's back? Back again? Dah nuh nuh DA NA DA NA DA NA!!!"

It was as if Slim Shady himself were orchestrating the soundtrack to my physical anguish. I didn't care much for the song to begin with, but now that it's forever associated with sickness for me it has dropped into the deepest realm of musical loathing I have, right next to Alanis Morissette and that Semi-Charmed Kind of Life song they played every 5 minutes back in high-school.

Ok, I'm ranting here a bit, but it's helping me get the tension out. Therapy, that's what it is. I've got more to say, but it will have to wait till tomorrow. Extra points to whoever can get that movie quote.

The Triathlon

The line of cars behind us to get into Sand Hollow at 6:00 in the morning. Apparently there were 1300 racers and their families at the Tri, so it was pretty crowded. And these were the people who got there early.

The transition area where you keep your bike, wetsuit, running junk, etc. Most people had nice expensive road bikes. I used a heavy, unwieldy mountain bike that takes twice as much energy to get moving, proving that I am much more of a man than they are. Or that I'm too cheap to spring 25 bucks for a rental.

Me at the Hollow with my tight, tight shorts.

We stood behind this guy and had to get a pic. Not only does his shirt say "Ninjas are sooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants," but we found him in the Port-O-Potty line. Just an all around great picture on a number of levels.

The start of the race. You do a half mile swim, exit via the boat ramp and run to the transition area while stripping off your skin-tight wetsuit and trying your best to not fall over. Then you change into bike gear and ride for 12 miles along a road littered with water bottles, ambulances, and the shattered forms of fellow competitors whom defeat has already claimed (ok, I only saw one) Then you ride back to the transition area to drop your bike off and start the grueling 3 mile run.

The start of the Sprint distance men, ages 20-29. That's me in the middle.

Me after the swim doing the aforementioned running and stripping.

I didn't get any pics of the bike or run, so this is a fast forward to the end of the race where they set up this huge tent filled with oranges, grapes, water bottles, bread, and popsicles. It was almost worth running the race just for that.

My buddy Bret and I just after finishing. He's the one who convinced me to do it in the first place.

Well, I did it. Final time was 1:55:49. They said the average time for a beginner at that course was 2 to 2 and a half hours, so I did all right. It was a lot of fun, I'm definitely doing it again. Great atmosphere, great people, great experience. At first I was a bit tentative, thinking the tri would be filled with die-hards who ate nothing but granola and cottage cheese and who hated beginners getting in their way, but it wasn't like that at all. The only competition is with yourself. It was great to see all sorts of people; young, old, overweight, skinny, beginners and professionals, out there together having fun and supporting one another. I would highly recommend it.

Next one is the Xterra Sport at Snowbasin in August. Can't wait.

What's going on

I'm going to forego the usual "Sorry I haven't posted for so long" e-mail and just tell you what's going on in my life.

We are now 32 weeks pregnant. That means the baby is coming, and it's coming soon. If we were to compare pregnancy to a semester in college, right now would be the part where you suddenly realize that all the projects you've had all year to work on really are going to be due, so you better get started. Right after this game of Mario Kart.

The St. George triathlon is this week. Remember a post from back in November when I said I was planning to train for a triathlon? That's right. I've been doing it. It's this weekend.

I wish I could say my training has been like in Rocky IV where Rocky runs up mountains, grows a beard, and bench presses logs to get ready for the Drago fight, but it's been more of a James Braddock getting ready to fight Max Baer in Cinderella Man: a couple of quick workout montages interrupted by clips of him in his family life. Needless to say, my goal is just to finish the thing.

It's been fun though, after work today a buddy and I are going to the triathlon site to get a practice run in. I also want to try out my new wetsuit that I laid down 100 bones for. Here's a pic:

(No pic at this time)

The first time I used the wetsuit I almost passed out. Not a good sign.

In other news, the NBA playoffs are in full swing and I'm loving it. I'm going for Dallas and the Heat this year. Anything but another Detroit-San Antonio final. I don't think the country could take another one of those...

That's about it. Needless to say I do not deserve the Blogger Stallion award. That goes to Sorro. Sorro, this is for you:

(OK, sorry, it's not for you. The blogger isn't letting me do pics right now. Jerk.)

The First Blogger Stallion Award

Almost forgot. This weeks "Blogging Stallion Award" goes to Cheeth, for the numerous pictures and fine account he gave of his trip. Granted, Sorro posted and wrote a lot more, but unfortunately we're only counting last week (see previous posting for explanation on why this week doesn't count) and Cheeth is the winner.

I would like to give Sorro props for the Urinal Quiz though. Loads of fun. I only missed one.

While the recipient of the Blogging Stallion Award doesn't get $20 (as has been rumored), they do have the thrill of knowing that the above picture is dedicated to them. They also recieve a complementary bowl of mugi, which is only redeemable in Cedar City.

Busy

Work has been extrodinarily busy this week. Too busy. The type of busy where you go home and stare blankly at walls, your mind so accostomed to concentrated thought that it continues to subconsciously process the hundred things you need to get done tomorrow or forgot to do today, like a fat man at a buffet who has already filled his plate and begun eating but tastes nothing because he is contemplating what to get next. That kind of busy. You know what I mean.

Anyways, it's not that bad, but this is one of the few times since I've started my job that I wished I was doing something else.

In other news, the triathlon is in 3 weeks, I'm trying to get around to painting our living room (Green of all colors), and we're now 7 months pregnant. Speaking of pregnancy, here is a great article I got off McSweeney's. It's noteworthy for the Saved by the Bell reference alone.

I DON'T KNOWWHAT THE BIG DEAL ABOUT HAVINGA BABY IS.
BY WENDY MOLYNEUX
- - - -
If there's one thing I'm tired of, it's hearing about how hard it is to have a baby. I hate to break the news to you, but people have been having babies for literally billions of years. In the olden days, women would have their babies right out there in the field, or on the back of a dinosaur, or, when we were still fish-people, right there in the stream. Then they would put the new baby in a crib made of stones and let a brontosaurus watch it or whatever.

But ask any modern pregnant woman whether she'd let a dinosaur watch her baby and she'll freak out as if you've just said the most outlandish thing ever. I guess irrationality is just one of the many so-called symptoms of pregnancy. Another symptom seems to be a case of the chubs. I don't know if these women know this, but nobody likes a fat girl. Sure, I'd love to order the nachos and the onion rings and claim that I'm "eating for two," but I guess I have something these pregnant women don't: self-respect.

When they aren't busy eating, pregnant women are constantly crying or going to the bathroom. They'll swear up and down that these are more of those famous pregnancy symptoms, but I watch television and I know that unstable women who constantly need to run to the bathroom are drug addicts. Perhaps you remember a certain episode of Saved by the Bell, when Jessie Spano got addicted to caffeine pills and Zack Morris had to stage an intervention to get her to stop the madness? Well, every time one of these pill-addled fatties waddles down the hall toward the loo, I wish I had Zack's courage.

And the worst part is that the endless complaining doesn't end after the baby is born. Rather than appreciating the fact that they had a normal child in spite of the drugs and the reckless overeating, new parents go on and on about how hard child care is. Everyone knows that kids love television and candy. Yet I've met parents who refuse to give a baby candy or let it watch TV, and then complain when it cries. Wouldn't you cry if someone took away your bourbon and cut your cable line just as Desperate Housewives was about to commence? What if Eva Longoria said something especially sassy and you missed it?

And then there are the babies themselves. Try saying something polite to a baby, such as "How are you?" or "Did you see Lost this week? Were you surprised to find out what was in the hatch?" The baby will simply fix you with a cold, fishy stare and not reply at all.

Listen, I don't want to brag, but I've done a lot of hard things in my life, and I'm tired of being told I have "no idea" what it's like to have a baby. Why, just last week my friend Carrie gave me a set of Calphalon pots and pans. These pots and pans are not machine washable, and you can only use nonmetal utensils with them or you'll risk scratching them. In short, my Calphalon pans are just as hard to take care of as a baby. But try pointing this out to a pregnant woman and the next thing you know, she's kicked you in the crotch.

Texas Trip

Pics from my trip to Dallas Texas last week. And some fun facts:

Approximate amount of time it took upon arriving in Dallas for me to see an authentic Texan wearing an authentic UT Longhorns hat: 3 seconds

Approximate amount of time it took to see some sort of city sponsored Dallas Cowboys memorobilia: 26 seconds

Number of "howdy's", "y'all's", and "partner's" I heard during my stay: 3 (I know, I was severely dissapointed too.)

JFK was shot 3 blocks from my hotel. By a guy whose nephew I taught in seminary.

This is the hotel I stayed at, which, as you can see, was built in the post-modern, 1970's We-Think-the-Future-Will-Involve-a-lot-of-Glass-and-Spheres-with-Blinking-Lights motif.

"It's ultra-modern, like living in the not too distant future."*
The hotel was pretty cool. The main lobby area opened straight up to the top of the building with the rooms on outside balconies ala the Luxor in Vegas.


This is the view from just outside my 11th floor room. See the guy sitting at the desk at the bottom middle? Possibly the first time since childhood where I was tempted to spit on a random, unsuspecting person just because it would be funny. Well, ok, the first time since college.

Me in front of the American Airlines center, home of the Dallas Mavericks, Dallas Stars, and to a lesser degree, Dirk Nowitzsky's body odor.

Ah, nothing like going to an NBA game and watching the entire thing on the Jumbotron. See that little guy in purple down on the court? I think that's Ron Artest. Or it may have been one of the Maverick's cheerleaders. I'm not sure.

This is a pic I took after sneaking into the rich people seats, you know, the seats for people who "have money", or "are willing to spend more than 10 bucks on a ticket." Or who "have professions that contribute to society." Snobs.



An exciting picture of the room.

They have buildings and trees in Dallas. See?

*Extra points for anyone who can get the "It's ultra-modern. Like living in the not-too distant future" reference. (This time I'm looking at Cheeth)

Speaking of the Cheeth, he is currently beating Sorro in the race for the Blogging Stallion award, thanks to the deluge of pictures and sheer length of his last few postings. Sorro, on the other hand, has only a rant on the sorry state of packaging in society from last Thursday. Advantage: Cheeth.

Blogger repentance, part II

I'm sorry. I've been a horrible blogger. I have no excuse for not blogging. My breaks recently have been spent playing Nonograms (pretty addictive) and, as usual, reading ESPN.com. Not blogging. I'm no Sorro, who has recently become the surging stallion of the blogging world; or even a sporadically posting Cheeth, Genki Brady, or Tights. No, I fear I've sunk to the Sidwell-esque level of "Not Blogging". I will do better. I promise.

Whew, that feels better. Confession always helps.

Anyways, I just got back from my Texas trip so I've got a bunch of pics and mildly amusing stories to tell. I'll get some pics up tomorrow. Maybe. I'll try. My wife's pregnant though, so I can't really guarantee anything.

My job is awesome

So I just got off the phone with a United States Congressman who gave me a reference on an applicant who has won an Emmy, was nominated for an Oscar, and now wants to sell insurance. Why does the guy want to sell insurance after a career like that, you may ask? I have no idea.

My job is awesome. Unfortunately I don't blog about it much because it's confidential (That's right: Military Scientist, F.B.I. Agent, Spy...Human Resource guy. It's right up there). Basically I do the interviewing, recruiting, employee relations, and exit interviews for a mid-sized insurance brokerage.

Although I can't write about specific interview experiences, I can give a vague, ambiguous list that gives an idea of a typical day at work. Here you go.

5 Pet Peeves about being a recruiter:

1. People who show up 15 minutes early for an interview, thinking it will show that they are a "go-getter". It doesn't. It shows that you have little sense of time management.
2. References. If you warn another employer about a potential bad hire, the job applicant can sue you for slander. If you don't warn that employer about a potential bad hire, they can sue you for negligence. This is fair? This makes sense? In America, yes.
3. The "Oh yeah, I can do that" mentality. Someone applies for a job in computer programming. Their past experience has been in retail and fast food. Upon bringing up this discrepancy they claim: "Yeah, but I'm a fast learner. I'm pretty sure I could pick that up." Come now. There's a reason certain jobs require a 4-year degree.
4. Akin to number 3, I call this the "Oh crap, I'm about to graduate and I have no idea what I want to do with my life" mentality. This is when a college senior realizes they are about to be thrust out into the real world so they apply for every job they can find. Here's how that conversation usually goes:

ME: "So, what's your major?"

THEM: "Communications with a minor in Sports Nutrition."

ME: "Really? So what made you apply for a job in Accounting?"

THEM: "Well, I'm pretty good at that Sudoku stuff, and my mom always said I was pretty good at balancing my checkbook, so I figured it was a match. When do you want me to start?"

MY DESK: BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! (The sound of my head repeatedly slamming into it)

Can't be too hard on them though, I did the same thing...

And, number 5: The Gov'ment. What's the government's answer for any problem? Pass more laws. If there's a problem in society try to suffocate it in a veritable deluge of paperwork, files, forms, reports and other bureaucratic rubbish. I could go on but my breaks are only so long. And I'm trying not to be a complainer. Guess this post kind of blew that. Oh well...

Please Hammer don't hurt em...

You've got to check this out: M.C. hammer has his own blog. And it's on blogspot no less! I just posted a comment on it defending him (and Bono) from some dink who says he' s too old to be writing music. Who are these sick people? As if M.C. Hammer should ever stop writing music!

Anyways, this is the most fun I've had e-mailing a celebrity since I wrote Mark Cuban to tell him I was coming to a Mavericks game.

I love the internet.

Muhammad cartoons, cont.

The riots are still going. Most of it is going down in Pakistan, where angry mobs are burning the American flag and trashed a KFC as a statement against all things American. Good for them. That's one way to let out your rage and anger. Here's the only thing: America had nothing to do with the cartoons. They were commissioned by a Dutch newspaper, reprinted in several european ones, and didn't even become news over here until the riots started. They were actually reprinted in an Egyptian newspaper not long after the original publication and, strangely enough, got very little reaction.


This whole thing makes me really disappointed in the Muslim world. Muslims are almost always portrayed in a negative light in America, but I've always given them the benefit of a doubt because:

1. The media (movies, books, journalists, etc.) relies on sensationalism to sell, therefore they propagate distorted stereotypes of specific cultures regardless of what the truth is. For example, after 9/11 there were numerous protests and vigils held by Muslims on behalf of America. You never saw these on the news, however, instead they would show video of Arabs burning an American flag in some obscure village; and
2. Being a Mormon I know what it is like to have people ignorantly judge my religion based on the actions of a miniscule fundamentalist sect. And I have horns and 4 wives.

Seeing the violent reaction to this whole cartoon thing, however, affirms the stereotype. I mean, think about it -- They are reacting to a portrayal of Muhammad (the symbol and founder of their religion) as a violent terrorist by burning down buildings and calling for murder. Don't they see the irony here? It pisses me off really, and shows me that their practice of Islam is worthless. It's like the idiots who beat up homosexuals or bomb abortion clinics and claim to do it on behalf of Christianity. Um, read the bible again guys. You kind of missed the whole point.

Anyways, this whole thing has made me think of a few more cartoons. I'll probably never get around to drawing them, so I'll just describe them to you. Here goes.

First One: Setting- Muhammad is standing on some clouds in heaven with Jesus, watching all this crap unravel. Muhammad is pointing exasperatedly at the middle east and says:

"Oh sure. Corrupt governments, cruel dictators, hypocritical clerics, bloodthirsty terrorists all using my name to justify their atrocious act and THIS (referring to the cartoons) is what they start rioting about." (says to Jesus): "Is this how you felt during the crusades?"

Jesus: "Yes. And every time I listen to conservative talk radio."

Second One: Again in heaven, Muhammad, Jesus, Moses, and the Bhudda are all standing on clouds in heaven, overlooking the world. God is behind them on a throne. Below are the continents of the world with their respective religious symbol(s). Attack planes, bombs, ICBM's are flying all over the place. God says: "You know, they still haven't gotten the point of the whole thing (meaning religion) yet, have they?"

Last One: Divided into four boxes. Caption at the top that says: "Which of the following is most likely to offend Muslims?" First box has a letter "A" in the corner. It shows a picture of one of Saddam Hussein's mass graves (where he ordered the slaughter of dozens of fellow Muslims). Box "B" shows masked terrorists armed with swords and rifles as in the beheading videos that are released every so often. A blindfolded hostage is kneeling before them, about to be decapitated. The typical Arabic scrawl is written across the back wall and on their headbands (I've always wondered what it says. Maybe, 'Allah is merciful' or 'Islam means Peace'). Box "C" shows a Sunni suicide bomber detonating himself at a Shi'ite wedding, killing dozens of women and children. The final box "D" shows, you guessed it, one of the Muhammad cartoons. (Hint- The correct answer is D)

So these are the ideas I have. Too bad I'm not a quicker artist or I would actually do them. That one on the last post (the one that's too small to even read) took me so long I'm not even going to try to do these ones. Oh well. Here's some cartoons from actual professionals that hit what I'm feeling.

The selective outrage of the Muslim world. They're kind of like the bully big brother who calls his little sister names then beats her up if she calls him something back.

Accurately sums up the entire Muhammad cartoon thing.

This is an alteration of the one I thought up. I swear I had mine first though.

I love this one. It gets its point across without humor. If you can't read it, the terrorist says: "We can't think of anything more offensive to the Muslim community that cartoons of Mohammed." The caption at the bottom says, "And that's the problem..."

This one is a bit lighter. Hillarious.

So that's how the professionals do it. I think it would be kind of fun to be a political cartoonist...Takes me too long to draw though. Check out Daryl Cagle's cartoon page, one of my favorite sites on the net, for more.

The Muhammad Cartoons

So I've been following the Muhammad Cartoon debacle ever since the beginning of last week and am astounded by how ridiculous it has become. Actually, let me rephrase that -- I am astounded by how far the ridiculousness has gone, since this thing was ridiculous from the beginning. If you aren't aware of what is going on, check out this CNN article as I don't feel like recapping it here.

Just a few things:

1. This isn't being widely reported, but apparently 3 false cartoons were inserted with the original 12 published in the Danish newspaper, quite possibly by the group of Muslim leaders who first alerted the Islamic world, all in an effort to inflame passions. Of the original 12 cartoons only 3 or 4 made an actual political statement -- the rest were simply drawings of Muhammed. This whole thing reeks of a plot to enrage the Islamic world, and strangely enough it isn't a Danish newspaper nor the west that is fanning the flames. Which leads us to...
2. The same exact cartoons were published in an Egyptian newspaper months before this ever came out. Oddly enough, it got very little reaction. A blogger named egyptiansandmonkey remembered seeing the cartoons earlier and scanned them onto the net. Here's the blog, a definite must read.
3. How absurd is the Muslim reaction to this? It's moronic. If people weren't actually dying, it would be even funny. Think about it: They are reacting to what they perceive as an unfair portrayal of themselves and their prophet as violent by, you guessed it, being violent. Don't they see the irony here? I did my own cartoon on this, here you go:

Hey, so it's my first ever political cartoon. Cut me a break.

I've got a whole lot more to say about this, but I got to go. I'll finish tomorrow.

Book Reviews

Haven't done a book review in a while. Think I'll do them all at once. Here are the books I've read in the last few months and what I think of them.




First--Farenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. I had heard good things about this book so when I saw it in a used bookstore I decided to snag it and see what it was all about. For some reason I had a sort of vague, unfounded impression that it was about Boy Scouts starting forest fires...Turns out it's a frightfully accurate commentary on intellectual and emotional apathy in our society. You win either way, really.

I won't ruin the book for anyone who hasn't read it by telling the story, but it's a good one. The most amazing thing about it is that it was written 50 years ago, before iPods, flat screen plasma TV's, and cell phones, yet Bradbury describes our modern culture with chilling accuracy. The book is about censorship--not from a dictatorial government but from a citizenship that wants everything to be quick, simple, fun, and require a minimal amount of thinking. In other words, Hollywood. Very interesting read, I highly recommend it.

One more quick note before the next review--The second half of the book (50th anniversery addition) has commentary and an interview with Ray Bradbury himself. This guy is pure entertainment. Here's his take on censorship in the modern day:

"...The main problem is the idiot TV. If you watch local news, your head will turn to mush."

And his solution for getting children to read:

"...Give one of my books to a twelve-year-old boy who doesn't like to read, and that boy will fall in love and start to read."

If that statement doesn't spark your interest in this book, I don't know what will.




Next up is Deception Point by Dan Brown. Someday I shall write a letter to Dan Brown, and this is what it will say:

Dear Dan-

Curse you Dan Brown, curse you for your fascinating, fast-paced, controversial and well-researched thrillers. Curse you for the hooks and cliff-hangers which populate nearly every chapter in every book you write. When I was first introduced to you, as most of us were, through The Da Vinci Code, I experienced an enthrallment and literary captivation that I hadn't thought possible. I couldn't function as a normal adult until I had finished it. Then I picked up Angels and Demons. While it was merely a rougher, unpolished version of Code, I was unable to wrest myself from it's vice-like clutches as well. I spent a good part of the next three days finishing it, much to the chagrin of loved ones. Then I picked up Deception Point, and found that Robert Langdon isn't your only protaganist who can cause me to lose all common sense. Your books should come with a warning on the cover: Only to be read when you have a large amount of open time and nothing better to do.

So a pox upon you Dan Brown, a pox on you for writing your addictive novels and wresting my sense of moderation from me.

Sincerely,

themickel

PS- When does the next one come out?

Deception Point is a good read, another one I would highly recommend even though it has the most boring main character in all the Dan Brown novels. A gister? Come now. What good is a gister going to do when you're fighting a global conspiracy? I think there was only one part in the entire book where she actually used her professional skills. Might as well have made her a clogger.

Anyways, good book, pick it up when you get a chance. You can usually find Dan Brown books that aren't The Da Vinci Code at used bookstores. That reminds me--here's an insightful book review on The Da Vinci Code done by Osama bin Laden. Classic.

Next up is Eragon, or as my wife calls it, "The Blue Dinosaur Book." My buddy Nick recommended this to me right after I had finished Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, and in a way it was a rebound book for me. You know, like a rebound relationship where you go out with someone immediately after breaking up with your girl/boyfriend just to keep your mind off the first person and to spite them. That's what Eragon was for me.

Anyways, this is a good book about a boy who finds a mysterious blue rock that later turns out to be a dragon. It's your typical fantasy/boy-finds-dragon-and-becomes-a-world-power book, but is interesting and has some good plot devices in it. The first half was really good but the second half seemed to lag. That could be because I found out half-way through that the guy who wrote it is only 21 years old and from Montana, causing me not to take the book as seriously.

Anyways, great book. I would recommend it to anyone that's into the fantasy thing.

Next on the list is H.M.S. Surprise by Patrick O'Brian. See my review on Post Captain. Basically the same stuff except this time Aubrey has a half-decent ship to knock the French around in. Great books, each one has been fascinating. Pick one up when you get a chance. Just make sure you have a nautical dictionary handy.

And finally,

Inkheart, by some german lady. I was a little bit disappointed in this book, as I think it could have been much better than it actually was. If you don't know the premise--There's a man who has the ability to read characters and objects from books into real life. He can read a book and the characters from it will randomly leap into the real world, with the same personality and attributes they had in their own story. The tricky part is everytime this happens something or someone from the real world gets sucked into the story, effectually trading places with the fictional person. 10 years or so before the man read a book called Inkheart and unwittingly read the villian out of the story and his wife into it. The rest of the book follows the man and his daughter tracking down the villian and reuniting with his wife.

How could you go wrong with that, right? This is how: Make the book twice as long as it needs to be, fill it with chapters where nothing much happens and the plot doesn't really progress (I swear half this book was about traveling or hiding from the bad-guys), and, most important of all, never have the man with the amazing talent to read things out of books actually use his ability.

The book wasn't bad, it just could have been so much better. Kind of like Vince Carter's career. The author could have done so much with it, as the premise is a very creative idea, but it doesn't really go anywhere. They read Tinkerbell into real life, that was about it.

Anyways, a decent book, I know other people have liked it. Don't not read it because of me.