College Football is better than the NFL

Here are 5 reasons college football is better to watch than the NFL. Please note that I am writing this while watching Steelers/Titans, the opening game of the NFL season. Or rather, I am writing this while watching a seeming endless stream of commercials with brief snippets of a Steelers/Titans game thrown in.

1. No seriously--what's with all the commercials? Is there an actual game being played here?
2. The NFL cadence: 3 plays, punt, TV timeout. 3 plays, punt, TV timeout. 6 plays punt, TV timeout. 2 plays, turnover, TV timeout. TV timeout. Halftime. TV timeout.
3. Excitement. Long passes, breakaway runs, and kickoff returns are common place in college football. In the NFL you're excited just to see a 7-yard gain.

Ooh. Hines Ward just got the ball stripped on the 6-yard line with 50 seconds left. I would take back what I just said in #3, but that was literally the first exciting thing to happen in the last 3 quarters. Moving on...

4. Overtime. Thanks to the sudden-death system (which Chris Collinsworth has just defended with "Sure, your team may not even get a fair chance to win, but, uh...so be it.") If a TV announcer has to defend a rule with "It may not be fair, but so be it", you're going to want to look into things.

5. Did I mention all the commercials?

Sweaters: Panacea Against All Evils

So when the Menendez brothers went on trial for killing their own parents they employed a little-known public relations strategem and appeared in sweaters, hoping the snuggly softness would impact the jury.


For, as you know, it is impossible to think bad about someone in a sweater.


Saddam Hussien's lawyer tried it as well at the beginning of his trial. Alas, I couldn't find a picture, but remember seeing it on TV. Just imagine the great despot in a grey cocoon of adorableness.


But hold on -- Chris Brown, the R&B star recently charged with the felony assault of his girlfriend Rihanna -- has upped the ante. Not content with just the sweater, whatever PR Firm Brown is using apparently decided to go straight for America's jugular and sport a BOW-TIE. The result is breathtaking:

Ladies and gentlemen, does this really look like a man who is prone to violence? Prone to cuddliness, perhaps, but violence? Fie!

It works. I've forgiven him already.

But now I am intrigued as to what the next step on the image makeover excalation scale will be. How do you top sweater and bow-tie? Here's my guess:

Woolen mittens.

And after that, Hello Kitty backpack.

Lily's P90X Program

Ok, everyone, welcome to today's workout. I am your trainer for the day. My name is Lily. Let's get our sweat on!

We'll start with pushups. Simple exercise, but a great way to work your bi's and tri's, not to mention melt some of that pesky baby-elbow-fat.

That's good. Gimme 5....4....3....2.....1....one more for good luck...gimme just one more...Good.

All right, next up is abs. Remember your chin needs to come all the way up. If you think these are hard for you, try doing them when your head is roughly the same size as your torso.

Next is the scissor leg stretch. Make sure that right leg gets all the way out. If you really want to push it, go ahead and stick the big toe in your mouth. Like difff. Ahhff...blogeh....goohd.

Ok, let's go ahead and finish with some simple one-armed push-ups. What's that? Too tired? Sissy.