Meetings

Why is it that we as humans feel we need to hold meetings? Is it learned? Maybe genetic, something evolution (which of course is a farce invented by the 1860's leftist media) instilled in us as necessary for the survival of our species? I mean, 500,000 years ago did Caveman Ug decide to gather his tribe together in some cave, stand up in front of them and say, "Thanks everyone for coming. As you know, we're going to push that big rock over tomorrow, so I thought we'd better meet and discuss in painstaking detail the simple process of how to push on a rock. First you--- Oh yeah, did you guys see Grok get gored at yesterday's mastodon hunt? That was crazy, right?" and then 6 hours later they hobble out of there and decide to go out for dinosaur ribs? How else can you explain this baffling tradition we have?

Don't get me wrong, some meetings are important, even necessary. I just think about 80% of them aren't. And of the ones that are, 90% are longer than they need to be.

I'll give an illustration. Every month my company has meetings to discuss the welfare of our agencies. A rep from each department is supposed to be there. I go as an HR rep. Here is a scan of my notes from one of those meetings:

I'm particularly pleased with my Cubs logo and the impromptu Homer Simpson's.

In fact, you'll notice 3/4 of my "notes" are devoted to doodles. This is because me and 13 other people at that meeting didn't have to be there. No input was asked, no action items were given, we just sat there like schmucks while the senior executive went over finances with one of the controllers, a conversation that could have happened over phone and without the moral support of a dozen other employees. The vast majority of our meetings go this way. And we're probably better run and more efficient than the average company.

And it's not just work. Church, community, pretty much ALL meetings seem to be fairly pointless. I've given it a lot of thought (there's nothing else to do during meetings) and I've come up with the following reasons why people love to have meetings:

• While public speaking is one of our greatest fears, we all secretly want everyone else to shut up and listen to how smart we are. Meetings provide a safe environment in which to do this.
• Talking and theorizing about what you should do is easier than actually doing it.
• (At work anyway) Holding a meeting regarding an important decision gives the illusion of unanimity, even if the opinions/suggestions of only a small fraction of those present are solicited.
• We've been conditioned to subconsciously feel no human endeavor is validated until there has been a meeting devoted to it.
• We love to tell others "Sorry, I can't make it, I have a meeting to get to." It makes us feel important.
• It's easier than working.

Let me know if I missed anything. Sorro does a great running diary of his company's weekly meetings. I love to read it because it shows me there are fellow sufferers out there.

In conclusion, I don't like meetings. I feel most of them can be done in about 15 minutes. If it goes longer than that you might as well have a BBQ or hold a formal debate, because that's what you're doing anyway.