Please Hammer don't hurt em...

You've got to check this out: M.C. hammer has his own blog. And it's on blogspot no less! I just posted a comment on it defending him (and Bono) from some dink who says he' s too old to be writing music. Who are these sick people? As if M.C. Hammer should ever stop writing music!

Anyways, this is the most fun I've had e-mailing a celebrity since I wrote Mark Cuban to tell him I was coming to a Mavericks game.

I love the internet.

Muhammad cartoons, cont.

The riots are still going. Most of it is going down in Pakistan, where angry mobs are burning the American flag and trashed a KFC as a statement against all things American. Good for them. That's one way to let out your rage and anger. Here's the only thing: America had nothing to do with the cartoons. They were commissioned by a Dutch newspaper, reprinted in several european ones, and didn't even become news over here until the riots started. They were actually reprinted in an Egyptian newspaper not long after the original publication and, strangely enough, got very little reaction.


This whole thing makes me really disappointed in the Muslim world. Muslims are almost always portrayed in a negative light in America, but I've always given them the benefit of a doubt because:

1. The media (movies, books, journalists, etc.) relies on sensationalism to sell, therefore they propagate distorted stereotypes of specific cultures regardless of what the truth is. For example, after 9/11 there were numerous protests and vigils held by Muslims on behalf of America. You never saw these on the news, however, instead they would show video of Arabs burning an American flag in some obscure village; and
2. Being a Mormon I know what it is like to have people ignorantly judge my religion based on the actions of a miniscule fundamentalist sect. And I have horns and 4 wives.

Seeing the violent reaction to this whole cartoon thing, however, affirms the stereotype. I mean, think about it -- They are reacting to a portrayal of Muhammad (the symbol and founder of their religion) as a violent terrorist by burning down buildings and calling for murder. Don't they see the irony here? It pisses me off really, and shows me that their practice of Islam is worthless. It's like the idiots who beat up homosexuals or bomb abortion clinics and claim to do it on behalf of Christianity. Um, read the bible again guys. You kind of missed the whole point.

Anyways, this whole thing has made me think of a few more cartoons. I'll probably never get around to drawing them, so I'll just describe them to you. Here goes.

First One: Setting- Muhammad is standing on some clouds in heaven with Jesus, watching all this crap unravel. Muhammad is pointing exasperatedly at the middle east and says:

"Oh sure. Corrupt governments, cruel dictators, hypocritical clerics, bloodthirsty terrorists all using my name to justify their atrocious act and THIS (referring to the cartoons) is what they start rioting about." (says to Jesus): "Is this how you felt during the crusades?"

Jesus: "Yes. And every time I listen to conservative talk radio."

Second One: Again in heaven, Muhammad, Jesus, Moses, and the Bhudda are all standing on clouds in heaven, overlooking the world. God is behind them on a throne. Below are the continents of the world with their respective religious symbol(s). Attack planes, bombs, ICBM's are flying all over the place. God says: "You know, they still haven't gotten the point of the whole thing (meaning religion) yet, have they?"

Last One: Divided into four boxes. Caption at the top that says: "Which of the following is most likely to offend Muslims?" First box has a letter "A" in the corner. It shows a picture of one of Saddam Hussein's mass graves (where he ordered the slaughter of dozens of fellow Muslims). Box "B" shows masked terrorists armed with swords and rifles as in the beheading videos that are released every so often. A blindfolded hostage is kneeling before them, about to be decapitated. The typical Arabic scrawl is written across the back wall and on their headbands (I've always wondered what it says. Maybe, 'Allah is merciful' or 'Islam means Peace'). Box "C" shows a Sunni suicide bomber detonating himself at a Shi'ite wedding, killing dozens of women and children. The final box "D" shows, you guessed it, one of the Muhammad cartoons. (Hint- The correct answer is D)

So these are the ideas I have. Too bad I'm not a quicker artist or I would actually do them. That one on the last post (the one that's too small to even read) took me so long I'm not even going to try to do these ones. Oh well. Here's some cartoons from actual professionals that hit what I'm feeling.

The selective outrage of the Muslim world. They're kind of like the bully big brother who calls his little sister names then beats her up if she calls him something back.

Accurately sums up the entire Muhammad cartoon thing.

This is an alteration of the one I thought up. I swear I had mine first though.

I love this one. It gets its point across without humor. If you can't read it, the terrorist says: "We can't think of anything more offensive to the Muslim community that cartoons of Mohammed." The caption at the bottom says, "And that's the problem..."

This one is a bit lighter. Hillarious.

So that's how the professionals do it. I think it would be kind of fun to be a political cartoonist...Takes me too long to draw though. Check out Daryl Cagle's cartoon page, one of my favorite sites on the net, for more.

The Muhammad Cartoons

So I've been following the Muhammad Cartoon debacle ever since the beginning of last week and am astounded by how ridiculous it has become. Actually, let me rephrase that -- I am astounded by how far the ridiculousness has gone, since this thing was ridiculous from the beginning. If you aren't aware of what is going on, check out this CNN article as I don't feel like recapping it here.

Just a few things:

1. This isn't being widely reported, but apparently 3 false cartoons were inserted with the original 12 published in the Danish newspaper, quite possibly by the group of Muslim leaders who first alerted the Islamic world, all in an effort to inflame passions. Of the original 12 cartoons only 3 or 4 made an actual political statement -- the rest were simply drawings of Muhammed. This whole thing reeks of a plot to enrage the Islamic world, and strangely enough it isn't a Danish newspaper nor the west that is fanning the flames. Which leads us to...
2. The same exact cartoons were published in an Egyptian newspaper months before this ever came out. Oddly enough, it got very little reaction. A blogger named egyptiansandmonkey remembered seeing the cartoons earlier and scanned them onto the net. Here's the blog, a definite must read.
3. How absurd is the Muslim reaction to this? It's moronic. If people weren't actually dying, it would be even funny. Think about it: They are reacting to what they perceive as an unfair portrayal of themselves and their prophet as violent by, you guessed it, being violent. Don't they see the irony here? I did my own cartoon on this, here you go:

Hey, so it's my first ever political cartoon. Cut me a break.

I've got a whole lot more to say about this, but I got to go. I'll finish tomorrow.

Book Reviews

Haven't done a book review in a while. Think I'll do them all at once. Here are the books I've read in the last few months and what I think of them.




First--Farenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. I had heard good things about this book so when I saw it in a used bookstore I decided to snag it and see what it was all about. For some reason I had a sort of vague, unfounded impression that it was about Boy Scouts starting forest fires...Turns out it's a frightfully accurate commentary on intellectual and emotional apathy in our society. You win either way, really.

I won't ruin the book for anyone who hasn't read it by telling the story, but it's a good one. The most amazing thing about it is that it was written 50 years ago, before iPods, flat screen plasma TV's, and cell phones, yet Bradbury describes our modern culture with chilling accuracy. The book is about censorship--not from a dictatorial government but from a citizenship that wants everything to be quick, simple, fun, and require a minimal amount of thinking. In other words, Hollywood. Very interesting read, I highly recommend it.

One more quick note before the next review--The second half of the book (50th anniversery addition) has commentary and an interview with Ray Bradbury himself. This guy is pure entertainment. Here's his take on censorship in the modern day:

"...The main problem is the idiot TV. If you watch local news, your head will turn to mush."

And his solution for getting children to read:

"...Give one of my books to a twelve-year-old boy who doesn't like to read, and that boy will fall in love and start to read."

If that statement doesn't spark your interest in this book, I don't know what will.




Next up is Deception Point by Dan Brown. Someday I shall write a letter to Dan Brown, and this is what it will say:

Dear Dan-

Curse you Dan Brown, curse you for your fascinating, fast-paced, controversial and well-researched thrillers. Curse you for the hooks and cliff-hangers which populate nearly every chapter in every book you write. When I was first introduced to you, as most of us were, through The Da Vinci Code, I experienced an enthrallment and literary captivation that I hadn't thought possible. I couldn't function as a normal adult until I had finished it. Then I picked up Angels and Demons. While it was merely a rougher, unpolished version of Code, I was unable to wrest myself from it's vice-like clutches as well. I spent a good part of the next three days finishing it, much to the chagrin of loved ones. Then I picked up Deception Point, and found that Robert Langdon isn't your only protaganist who can cause me to lose all common sense. Your books should come with a warning on the cover: Only to be read when you have a large amount of open time and nothing better to do.

So a pox upon you Dan Brown, a pox on you for writing your addictive novels and wresting my sense of moderation from me.

Sincerely,

themickel

PS- When does the next one come out?

Deception Point is a good read, another one I would highly recommend even though it has the most boring main character in all the Dan Brown novels. A gister? Come now. What good is a gister going to do when you're fighting a global conspiracy? I think there was only one part in the entire book where she actually used her professional skills. Might as well have made her a clogger.

Anyways, good book, pick it up when you get a chance. You can usually find Dan Brown books that aren't The Da Vinci Code at used bookstores. That reminds me--here's an insightful book review on The Da Vinci Code done by Osama bin Laden. Classic.

Next up is Eragon, or as my wife calls it, "The Blue Dinosaur Book." My buddy Nick recommended this to me right after I had finished Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, and in a way it was a rebound book for me. You know, like a rebound relationship where you go out with someone immediately after breaking up with your girl/boyfriend just to keep your mind off the first person and to spite them. That's what Eragon was for me.

Anyways, this is a good book about a boy who finds a mysterious blue rock that later turns out to be a dragon. It's your typical fantasy/boy-finds-dragon-and-becomes-a-world-power book, but is interesting and has some good plot devices in it. The first half was really good but the second half seemed to lag. That could be because I found out half-way through that the guy who wrote it is only 21 years old and from Montana, causing me not to take the book as seriously.

Anyways, great book. I would recommend it to anyone that's into the fantasy thing.

Next on the list is H.M.S. Surprise by Patrick O'Brian. See my review on Post Captain. Basically the same stuff except this time Aubrey has a half-decent ship to knock the French around in. Great books, each one has been fascinating. Pick one up when you get a chance. Just make sure you have a nautical dictionary handy.

And finally,

Inkheart, by some german lady. I was a little bit disappointed in this book, as I think it could have been much better than it actually was. If you don't know the premise--There's a man who has the ability to read characters and objects from books into real life. He can read a book and the characters from it will randomly leap into the real world, with the same personality and attributes they had in their own story. The tricky part is everytime this happens something or someone from the real world gets sucked into the story, effectually trading places with the fictional person. 10 years or so before the man read a book called Inkheart and unwittingly read the villian out of the story and his wife into it. The rest of the book follows the man and his daughter tracking down the villian and reuniting with his wife.

How could you go wrong with that, right? This is how: Make the book twice as long as it needs to be, fill it with chapters where nothing much happens and the plot doesn't really progress (I swear half this book was about traveling or hiding from the bad-guys), and, most important of all, never have the man with the amazing talent to read things out of books actually use his ability.

The book wasn't bad, it just could have been so much better. Kind of like Vince Carter's career. The author could have done so much with it, as the premise is a very creative idea, but it doesn't really go anywhere. They read Tinkerbell into real life, that was about it.

Anyways, a decent book, I know other people have liked it. Don't not read it because of me.

It's a girl...probably.

So the forecast is an 80% chance of female. The doc said we can't be positive, but it seems pretty likely as he scanned the area from many angles without the least hint of a todger sticking out.

The ultrasound blew me away when the baby first showed up. You go for so long hearing about the baby and thinking about the baby, but to actually see it suddenly made the whole thing very real to me. There really is a tiny person living in my wife right now--a person whose diapers I will soon be changing and teaching not to stick rocks in her mouth. Actually, when it first flashed up on the screen the radiologist had centered the picture on the baby's spine and rib cage, so all you could see was a strange millipede alien-type creature amidst a sea of pulsating grey flesh. Freaked me out.

Here are some more pics of the little tyke:

Possibly the only time in a human being's life where your "bottom" has to be labeled.

On the bottom right you can also see a crude illustration of a naked woman's torso area, though I don't condone the viewing of pornography.

So I'm pretty excited about having a girl. I was really hoping for one. We don't have a name yet. I think it's better to have 3 or 4 you really like then choose one once you have actually seen the kid. Our choices right now are Katie, Riley, Lafonda, Neutrogena, and "The Yellow Dart".

Everything's bigger in Texas...

Or so I hear. We'll see if that statement is true or typical Texas braggadocio when I go there in April for a Society of Human Resource Management conference. The conference is on HR generalist issues such as compensation, employment law, etc. I'm planning to broaden my HR knowledge, so this is a perfect opportunity.

I'm pretty stoked. I always love to travel for work. I'm especially excited to go to Texas for two reasons:

1. I've never been there; and
2. Texas (along with California) is one of the few states whose residents actually go out of their way to let you know they're from there.

Am I the only one who's noticed this? You're either talking with or introducing someone from one of these states and the first opportunity they have they hint at or say where they're from, whether it's a reasonable time or not. Example:

"Hi, I'm Logan. So how do you know Dave here?"

"Hi Logan. Jenny. I'm from California."

Maybe it's just with college kids, and maybe it's just in Utah (as being perceived as a "Utahn" is decidedly uncool) but they always drop that in there as soon as possible, as though relying upon their respective state's reputation to boost themselves in your esteem. It's kind of like some kids at a playground talking about their houses and one saying: "Oh yeah, well my house is Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory."

Anyways, the conference is in Dallas, and I've already bought a Dallas Mavericks ticket for the second night I'm there. Can't wait. They're playing the Sacramento Kings, who would've been pretty boring two weeks ago but now that they have Ron Artest the potential for this game turning into a chaotic bloodbath has shot through the roof. I'll try to score some pics if it does. Toodles.

It's Pat

And the winner is Derek kun, whom you can always count on to know an obscure SNL reference. 500 points.

Speaking of SNL, have you seen the "Lazy Sunday" clip yet? Spectacular. Takes me back to middle school when rap was cool.